At home, at school, on the street, in the market, in short, almost everywhere, children who do not do what their parents say, who object, cry and shout, and parents who try to persuade them, beg, get angry, and even use physical violence are often encountered.
* Why don't children obey?
While the child tries to become an independent individual, especially by the age of 2, these efforts reach their peak at the age of 3-4, and he starts to do what he knows and wants rather than doing what the adult tells him. works. The main reason for this behavior is that the child wants to feel as important and powerful as his parents and to be "put in his place".
In addition to the desire for independence, parental attitudes also play an important role in disobedience behavior. Parents unknowingly direct their children to be naughty. They do this by responding favorably to undesirable behavior, sending mixed messages, or having unreasonable expectations. Unreasonable expectations often result from parents ignoring children's developmental maturity when giving instructions. Expecting a 3-4 year old child to behave "behaved" when a guest comes or goes to visit him is a sign that his developmental maturity is ignored. Instead of telling a child at this age to "behave", it would be more appropriate to explain which behaviors are appropriate and which are not, and to have materials to keep the child entertained.
The parents think they are communicating well with the child, but in reality they are constantly trying to maintain control. He confuses the child with his explanations. Children may have difficulty listening, keeping in mind and understanding the explanations given by their parents due to their short attention span and their mental skills not being sufficient to understand abstract concepts. For this reason, instead of making too many explanations, the child should be told briefly and simply what is appropriate and what is not.
Using physical punishment in the face of undesirable behavior also increases disobedience behavior. Punishment is not an effective tool for teaching children how to behave. against undesirable behavior A rule that the family will follow should be established and the consequences of breaking the rule should be specified.
Instability and lack of control are at the root of most behavioral problems. Children's behavior indicates stability or instability in the family. The child senses a stressful situation at home and feels uncomfortable about it. If he cannot gain a sense of trust through positive attention, he tries to attract attention with his mischief. It is better for the child to receive attention with negative behavior than to receive no attention at all.
Another reason for disobedience is that the child imitates the behavior of others. Children especially tend to pick up on the negative behavior of other children. The child tries to prove himself and become popular by imitating inappropriate behavior. Highlighting the behaviors that are liked in the child and stating that inappropriate behaviors are not accepted solves this problem.
Some children consciously do not listen to what the adult says, and do what they want, even though they know that they will be punished. A solution to the behavior can be found with clear boundaries, clear consequences and constant practice.
Being separated from the mother is one of the situations that causes disobedience behavior. Even though the child of a working mother knows that the mother will go to work and return in the evening, he does not want this. He gets angry about his mother leaving. When the mother returns home, she is happy that she has returned home, but she is also angry that he left her. For this reason, he resists doing what his mother says.
*What can parents do?
Do not miss love. When your child doesn't listen, tell him that you don't like him, but rather his behavior. In the face of the parents' reaction, the child questions love. When it is stated that it is not the person himself who is disliked, but his behavior, and when the message that the child is loved unconditionally is given, the child does not doubt the love of the parents.
Listen to your child. When parents listen to the child, they also help the child gain listening behavior. children's When he tries to tell you something, stop what you are doing and try to listen. In cases where this is not possible, state that you want to listen to him/her, but that you can listen to him/her after your work is done.
Make sure that the boundaries and rules are clear and valid for the whole family. Having rules that apply to all family members, giving clear information to the child about what he can and cannot do, and setting limits will reduce inappropriate behavior.
Make time for physical activities. Do physical activities with your child to release his energy. In this way, you will ensure that the child is less active in the evenings and makes him feel good by increasing his endorphin level.
Increase positive behavior by seeing and rewarding his positive behavior. When children think that they cannot get attention with their positive behavior, they try to get attention by disobeying and misbehaving. Praising positive behavior reduces negative behavior and motivates the child to show positive behavior again.
Stay away from physical punishment. Punishment can temporarily prevent an undesirable behavior. However, it should not be forgotten that it may cause anger accumulation in the child and inappropriate behavior may increase. The most appropriate punishment for children of this age may be to deprive them of something they love for a short time or to sit in a chair for 3-4 minutes and wait for them to calm down.
Do not expect them to do things they are not ready for. Knowing the child's capacity, abilities and age-related developmental characteristics is important to evaluate whether expectations are realistic.
Communicate your expectations clearly. State what you expect from the child by making short, simple and concrete explanations instead of abstract and general concepts, and what the consequences will be if he does not obey the rules.
Give responsibilities appropriate to his age and development. You can teach your child to help you by giving him simple tasks that he can do, and thus to teach him to obey.
Read: 0
