Have you ever thought that your self consists of more than one part?
Noam Shpancer tells the story of a psychotherapist in his novel "The Good Psychologist". In a session with a client who was abused by his father at an early age, the therapist makes the following intervention:
"-Your father was wrong... His behavior towards you reflects him, not you.
-I came from him.
- ...You come from him, but you are neither him nor his. Your father's words can no longer have an impact on your life. As a child, you had no choice. You had to believe him. You are not a child anymore. You know things. You know that you are not bad and worthless...Your father is not here and you You are no longer a helpless child. You know that your pain comes from childhood, but you are not a child anymore. You are an adult woman. A mature, strong, independent woman..." Trying to remind the client that not all of the self is traumatized at the age it is in, but there is also an adult side; Because Prof in traumas. Dr. As Franz Ruppert stated below, the soul, that is, the self, is divided:
"The essence of the concept of trauma is the division of the soul. The natural way that human beings use to cope with traumatic experiences is based on the division of the person's emotional and spiritual structure. Under the conditions created by trauma, perception It means that we no longer belong to a system consisting of the totality of thoughts and memories... A part of the soul is protected from the trauma situation as much as possible. This is the healthy part of the soul. Despite the trauma, it manages to develop afterwards (with the attitude of a resilient person who does not see himself as a victim). It keeps a record of the traumatic experience. The other part remains as the traumatic part of the psyche. Another part is created, which is a mirror image of the trauma part and is only busy overcoming the traumatic experience. This is the survival part. While the survival part grows, the traumatized part of the psyche remains outside the time of that event. Because the division After the incident occurs, one cannot have new experiences depending on the severity of the trauma. For the rest of his life, he will continue to develop during the period when the trauma occurred. It remains at the name level. It is only interested in keeping the memory of the trauma alive. It loses its connection with reality."
As Ruppert points out, in every trauma our soul is divided into three parts: the traumatized side, the surviving side and the healthy side, and each of these sides is activated at different moments of life. The traumatized side is mostly stuck at the level of development where the trauma occurred. This causes us to overreact when we experience an event that reminds us of the trauma, because it hurts so much that it loses touch with reality. For this reason, you may see a person who had a lot of problems with his father in childhood become extremely angry towards his manager. "What do you think is going to make him so angry about this? ?", you can observe that that person cannot control his anger; because that anger is the anger of that childish part, the traumatized part of him that has experienced them in the past... the anger shown is not towards the manager, but actually still towards his father... I liken it to driving. Everyone drives their own car in life with different parts of their soul... And when my client overreacts to an event, I always ask him the same question, "Which one of you is behind the wheel now?" Which part of you is driving your car now?" This situation reminds my client that the self is not all about the traumatized inner child, as the therapist above did, but that there are other strong aspects that have brought him this far. In addition, this situation helps my client think about which part of his self his behaviors belong to and how I Even if I'm not with him, it helps him get out of the control of his childish sad side and display an adult attitude with the help of his healthy side.
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