All kinds of attitudes, attitudes and behaviors that we experience, see and behave towards us in early childhood have their effects in many areas throughout our adult life. Of course, I feel obliged to open this parenthesis right here. Man is always born again. We must never forget this. What can we do, I grew up in such a family until I was 6 years old, they treated me like this, and this is how I am. This idea is unacceptable.
Childhood shapes our personality, but our life does not consist of childhood. None of us are just our childhood. Childhood experiences and family should not be the scapegoat for every negativity, and the blame should not be placed on childhood or parents. A person should not allow his mind to remain stuck in his 5-6 year old self. God gave us wisdom, perception and time... We grow older and learn in the journey of life.
When we look at the way a child laughs, talks, eats or plays, we see traces of his family. It gives information about the child's upbringing to those who read the child's attitudes and behaviors correctly. At this point, the attitudes and personality structures of the parents come into play.
Our children are entrusted to us. We must strive to return our relics to society in the best way possible. Stable behavior of parents in raising children strengthens communication and relationships within the family. In addition, it improves the child's self-confidence skills. Again, parental attitudes and behaviors support the development of privacy awareness.
If the child is not given privacy awareness; The child will not be able to protect himself and others' boundaries, will not be able to make a healthy progress in the development of self-confidence, will make himself vulnerable to outside threats and dangers, will not be able to defend himself and others against emotional, physical and psychological neglect and abuse. Parental attitudes and attitudes are very valuable in helping the child gain privacy awareness and develop self-confidence. It should not be forgotten that; A child with a lack of self-confidence will be the easiest prey of people with malicious intentions outside. That's why we should pay special attention to the development of our children's self-confidence and support them.
In the child's personality development, social development, academic success, self-confidence development and all values Parental attitudes and attitudes are important in achieving success.
Democratic parental attitudes: Regardless of the child's age, his/her decisions are respected, his/her opinion is taken into consideration, the child's basic needs are met and love is shown. While the child's success is rewarded, his failure is not punished, and the family does not have strict rules. In this way, the child can express himself/herself easily.
Overprotective parental attitudes: The parent's attitude of "he will fall, something will happen, he will get hurt" etc. We encounter attitudes, attitudes and approaches. Since the child, who is constantly kept under control and faces restrictions to avoid harm, is not given the opportunity to get to know himself; The child cannot act alone, his self-confidence does not develop, he cannot make his own decisions and realize himself. When the child leaves the family, he will not be able to encounter anyone who will protect him as much as his family protects him, and he will be exposed to all kinds of dangers that may come from outside.
Punitive, authoritarian parental attitudes: The child is constantly afraid and cannot distinguish between good and bad behavior. There is a constant state of pressure, the child's personality is disregarded, and he is subjected to physical violence when he does not do what he is told. The self-confidence of the child who grows up with these attitudes and attitudes does not develop.
Undecided-inconsistent parental attitudes: Parents are indecisive among themselves. The father says no to what the mother says yes, the mother says no to what the father says yes. The child hears a different answer in every situation, and these inconsistent attitudes do not contribute positively to the child's personality development.
Child-centered parental attitudes: What the child says is almost like an order, everything he says is done. The world at home revolves around the child, and if the child grows up with the perception that everything is thanks to me, when he leaves home, that is, when he starts to move away from home with the beginning of his school life, he will want the world to revolve around him and will try to establish dominance and authority over his friends. While trying to establish dominance and authority; Since he cannot gain boundary awareness and social privacy awareness, he will have difficulties with his peers due to adaptation problems, and since he does not know how to share, he will not be able to establish relationships and will become lonely.
Supportive attitude: What we want to have is a tolerant parenting style. supportive The child who grows up with attitude; He/she has been able to integrate privacy-compassion-justice and similar virtues into his/her life and has acquired these skills, and is self-confident, reliable, cooperative, happy and friendly.
Among the things that are tried to give the child awareness of privacy are; It means being able to react to a danger or a bad touch outside, being able to go to someone nearby that you can trust, being able to say no, and being able to protect your body.
When we look at the parent's upbringing process in the life of a child who has not been given privacy awareness, it is small, nothing happens, he does not understand, when he grows up. don't remember and similar approaches predominate. A child who grows up with the attitude of undressing and dressing the child in crowds, and changing his diaper in public because he is too young, cannot protect himself, his own privacy, or the privacy of others outside. For example, a child who grows up without awareness of privacy may suddenly take off his t-shirt and throw it away when he sweats while playing outside with his friends. Because she couldn't learn why she shouldn't do this in that first social structure. A child cannot put into practice what he has learned in his life.
The location of private areas varies from culture to culture, traditions, beliefs and lifestyle. To mention the things that need to be taken into consideration in raising privacy awareness; First of all, the child should be introduced to his private parts and taught to protect these areas.
-The child should be taught that his private parts are private for him, that no one can touch his private parts, that if anyone wants to touch him, he should react and tell his family, and also that he should not allow anyone to kiss him without his permission. should be taught accordingly. Failure to form this awareness may open the door to big problems in the future.
-The approach of "It's small, don't understand it, nothing will happen" is a big mistake. On the contrary, a lot happens. You should not fall into this trap. From the first day the child is born, his/her privacy should be respected first by the parents. They should not be dressed or diapered in the presence of another person, and they should not spend too much time changing their diapers.
-The development and character of the child changes depending on age. For this reason, every parent should take care of their child according to their developmental characteristics and character. Medical skills should be imparted to the child.
-The potty used by the child during toilet training should not be in public.
-In the process that starts with toilet training, the child; The child should be taught how to clean up after taking care of his/her needs, should be encouraged to take a bath, should be in the child's underwear when needed to help, and should be made to feel the importance of privacy.
-Parents should apply what they are trying to teach the child in their own lives. The child is not based on what he hears; He learns more easily by what he sees. The child constantly observes and records every behavior like a camera. That's why they need to pay close attention to the parent's behavior, attitude and attitude. For example, while trying to teach the child to walk around the house by covering his private parts, parents should also cover his private parts at home. While trying to teach the child that the toilet door should be kept closed, the parent should also keep the toilet door closed.
-The child should be taught the skill of saying NO, the selection of toys, clothes and accessories should be appropriate to his age and gender, the child should not be allowed to spend unlimited and uncontrolled time in front of the screen, the child should not be addressed with affectionate words that are not suitable for the child, and the child should not be approached. "Go and see if he/she will love you" etc. approaches should be avoided, the address of the house should be taught and the numbers of family members should be memorized.
The parent should include the child in the process of providing privacy education or awareness. For example; Let's imagine that you are faced with an inappropriate scene while watching a series/movie on television as a family. If the parent suddenly changes the channel at that moment, it will arouse the child's curiosity. Let's not forget that each of us has a screen and the internet at our fingertips. We can access almost all the details in written and visual form on any subject we want. If the child whose curiosity is aroused is literate, he will go to his room to satisfy his curiosity about the broadcast on the channel we closed, and maybe watch more of the closed scene.
Instead of closing the channel, come across that scene while you are with the child. if it landed; The mother or father should show their reaction that the scene or the situation in that scene is unpleasant, but they should not say this directly to the child, they should explain their comment about it being wrong as if they were explaining it to the general public. It should be stated that what happened in that scene is wrong and not suitable for privacy, and then the channel should be changed.
When the channel is suddenly turned off, the child's curiosity is aroused and the child tries to satisfy his curiosity in an unsafe environment when he is alone. Of course, it is the sense of curiosity that develops the child. What needs to be taken into consideration is not to allow this developmental feeling to lead the child astray. The child will learn the truth from wrong sources outside, which he did not learn from his parents.
The parent should protect the child from the limitlessness of the screen and be a role model for the child with controlled screen use. While the phones in our hands offer us the world, they should not alienate our children from us. For this reason, we must remember our responsibilities towards both ourselves and our children, and raise our heads that we have buried in the screens.
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