In recent years, we have become increasingly angry at home, at work, at school, in traffic, in hospitals and in fact almost everywhere. And more often than not, we are individuals ready to get angry. In the society of which we are the cornerstone, we are faced with a major anger problem, the frightening consequences of which we face day by day, which we need to think seriously about and develop methods to control. We are angry because in a world where verbal (virtual) communication takes place at full speed, we experience emotional lack of communication, our human relations are broken, and we cannot find space to express our feelings and thoughts. As frustrations and deprivations increase, the anger accumulated within us continues to swell. Therefore, it becomes an even greater need to understand anger and find answers to the question of how we can control it.
What is anger? It is an emotion that changes the way we work, speeds up our speech, raises our tone of voice, and directs all our attention to the person or people who provoke us. In fact, it is an emotion that should be within our spiritual structure. It is a sign that things are not going well, that we have a problem. It is a valuable sign that our self-esteem, values, or things we hold dear are in danger. However, if we cannot see this sign and solve the problem, if we cannot take the necessary precautions, then anger itself will become a problem. The feeling of anger that we increasingly begin to feel within ourselves will disrupt our ability to evaluate events calmly, change our perspective on the world, make it difficult to see the concerns of the people around us, and will ultimately lead to uncontrolled behavior, regardless of the cost, aimed solely at eliminating the source of anger.
How does anger turn into destructive behavior?
We not only inherit our physical characteristics from our parents through genes, but also the cornerstones of our personality. However, starting from our childhood, we see how they show their anger and how they deal with their anger, and we turn their behavior into our own. The emotions and behaviors that adults show to their children form the framework of children's emotional lives. r. How we experience anger, what we do when we get angry, how we convey it to the other person, and how we use our anger to suppress or defeat the other person are our inheritance from our parents. When we witness the angry attitudes that devastate us in our children's hearts, they are engraved in our souls to the extent that we react the same as we observe them.
Do these reasons justify anger?
Of course not. Over time, our spiritual apparatus enters into a psychosocial structure as well as biological, despite all causalities. As we encounter social rules, we gain the ability to manage our emotions and control our behavior based on the desire to live together. And as adults, we are responsible for our actions. If we can think about the reasons for our anger instead of excusing it, maybe we can find a way to get rid of it. If we learn to share our feelings, express our wishes and needs clearly, take responsibility for what we say and do, and learn to listen, we can come to a crossroads in our relationship with anger.
Why is our anger increasing so rapidly?
Maslow's pyramid, which we often use to understand human physical and emotional needs, includes physical needs such as food and water at the base, and security needs such as shelter and protection at the next level. In the following stages, there is belonging, love, respect, value and, at the highest point, self-actualization. The gap between the achievements of a small group in our country and the realities of the lives of the majority is deepening day by day. Increasing refugee acceptance in recent years also causes serious cultural differences. Of course, not all of our expectations and wishes can come true, but the contradiction between what we see and our realities (what we experience) puts us under intense pressure. Our struggle to survive is job stress for adults, a constant exam for children and young people and the need to be successful, anxiety about always getting somewhere, less time to spend with our family, to rest and enjoy, on top of that economic difficulties, unemployment or unemployment It always keeps us on our toes as an effort to cope with risk and effort. All factors, both individually and together, cause the threshold for anger to decrease. Despite all the struggle and sacrifices made, when the expectation of living in good conditions, being accepted and approved is not realized, even the word 'no' cannot be tolerated. A person who lives his own negative reality every day has a hard time accepting and tolerating people who think differently and live differently. He perceives those who are different from him as a threat and makes him the target of anger. When the individual cannot meet his basic life needs, he feels insecure, helpless and worthless and resorts to expressing his power with destructive anger.
How do we deal with anger?
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When we notice the physical signals from the environment while the anger is still rising in the initial stage, We should move away and channel our minds to a different subject.
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We should not try to control others. People and the world are a vast universe with uncertain boundaries that we cannot control.
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We will accept our differences. Every person has the right to have their own opinion, think and act differently. We are obliged to recognize this right that we grant to ourselves to the person or group in front of us.
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We must be courteous. Let's remember that the words we use are also soothing for us. '
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Using sentences starting with 'I' in our spoken language prevents us from uttering an accusatory word in the course of the conversation, and it also helps us understand the emotion that arises in us. Instead of 'You make me angry', choose to say 'This situation/this behavior makes me angry'. Anger is an emotion that belongs to us, we must take responsibility ourselves.
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We must spare time for ourselves, we must prevent mental wear and tear due to work stress, economic difficulties, and family problems. We all need breathing spaces. We should make room in life for sports, hobbies and friends that we enjoy and where we can release our energy. We must allow the negativities we have accumulated to be neutralized.
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Response to all this However, if we get signs that our anger management is not sufficient, we should definitely get help from a mental health professional.
What do we do in the face of anger?
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We must be calm and polite. The anger shown towards someone who speaks and behaves kindly even under difficult circumstances will decrease, and we will no longer have to respond in an angry tone to the other person.
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The person in front of us will not be aware of what he says or does because of his anger. If we have lost our lives, our first step should be to keep ourselves away from this person or problem. If possible, move away immediately. If he accuses you of being a coward or running away, tell him that staying in this environment any longer will not help the solution and you can talk again when he calms down. If fear will ensure our safety and prevent us from being harmed, it is not a weak emotion, but an effective tool.
What can be done socially?
What can be done socially?
It is clear that the potential for social anger we face today is the result of negativities in self-perception and trust formation that are transmitted from generation to generation. Rejections, obstacles, failure to meet basic needs, the depth of economic and cultural differences, the lives and expectations witnessed through the media, increase the anger of anger like lava in a volcano day by day. A solution-oriented approach should be taken. Studies should be carried out to improve mental health, problems should be focused on and solution mechanisms should be put into action quickly. A process should be experienced in which individuals are self-confident, have high expression power, economic distribution is as close as possible throughout society, education is provided effectively, cultural progress is supported, and freedom of expression prevails.
Unless we see the individual's reaction to anger, unless we identify and solve its causes, unless we control the consequences of anger with a proportionate sanction, unless we stabilize individual and social dynamics, we cannot prevent the tragedies that deeply shake society. Analyzes and analyzes of those dealing with human psychology and social science We must listen to solution suggestions and quickly take measures to establish social peace on an individual basis.
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