We often feel another emotion before we feel the emotion of anger. But most of the time we cannot realize this feeling we feel. In other words, anger is experienced as a secondary emotion. Anger is the tip of the iceberg. Under the iceberg, there are primary emotions that are invisible and unnoticed.
While anger is an emotion that can be seen by others, other emotions under the iceberg go unnoticed because they do not have the opportunity to be expressed.
Below the iceberg. What could be these feelings that go unnoticed underneath?
Uncertainty, helplessness, loneliness, shame, loss, fear, sadness, being broken, humiliated, rejection, being blocked, disappointment, experiencing a crisis of confidence and suffering. Disturbing emotions are some of the emotions that may be at the bottom of the iceberg.
Thomas Gordon explains this situation as follows; “When painful and difficult emotions such as sadness, resentment, disappointment, anxiety, anxiety and fear cannot be put into words, explained or experienced, they freeze, solidify and turn into an iceberg. The tip of the iceberg is resentment, anger; However, in the submerged part of the iceberg, there are other emotions that are actually experienced.”
Okay! While the emotion of anger is an emotion that can be easily reflected, why can't other emotions at the bottom of the iceberg be expressed as easily as anger?
The most important reason for this situation is; By resorting to anger, we hide the other emotions we experience and avoid experiencing other uncomfortable emotions. The tendency to avoid uncomfortable emotions is inherent in human nature. For this reason, we prefer to experience anger by avoiding experiencing the main uncomfortable emotions. In addition, feeling an uncomfortable emotion is a situation that causes the person to perceive himself as defenseless and helpless and to worry that he will lose control. Therefore, instead of experiencing these emotions, we see the emotion of anger as a means of creating a sense of control and power over sensitivity.
Trying to control the emotion of anger alone is not enough to solve the problem. Because without understanding what the emotions are under the iceberg and without getting to the root of the problem, r intervention will be limited and shallow. This situation can be explained with an example. A person's fever is not a disease, but a symptom of the disease. Fever is a visible symptom, and this symptom is indicative of the presence of an invisible infection or virus. Just reducing the fever is not enough to treat the disease. Therefore, doctors try to find and treat the problem causing the high fever. Reducing the fever is an intervention aimed at reducing the symptom, but it is not a cure.
As in the example above, the feeling of anger is also a symptom, like rising fever. It is not the source of the problem. Therefore, an intervention aimed solely at the emotion of anger will not be sufficient. It is very important to understand what other emotions lead to anger. It takes some effort to understand what emotion is felt before you feel anger. The reason that usually causes anger is; unresolved pain or fear. It is not possible to completely solve the problem without examining the main emotions underlying anger and the thoughts that cause these emotions.
To summarize; Anger is an emotion that occurs as a result of suppressing and not expressing other emotions. In other words, it is an emotion experienced as a consequence of other emotions that are not expressed, suppressed, or avoided. Instead of paying this price, it would be a healthier attitude to try to understand what the disturbing feelings are and to express these feelings. When a person has difficulty in doing this alone, it is important to receive therapy support in order to solve the problem. Because therapy; It enables the person to reveal the main emotions and thoughts that cause him/her to experience the emotion of anger, to realize the tools that will help the person to cope with uncomfortable situations, to manage these emotions in constructive and positive ways, and facilitates the solution of the problem.
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