No snowflake in an avalanche holds itself responsible for what happens.
“Ali is a 9-year-old third grade student. He has a cousin who is a computer engineer. When they are with him, his cousin tells him a lot about his profession and where he works. Ali also wants to be a computer engineer, but he has a small problem; His grades this semester are not very good. Although he is supposed to do his homework and bring it to school the next day, he does not do it. He forgets which book he should bring home from school. Sometimes he does his homework but forgets to put it in his bag. Even if he puts it in his bag, he may forget to give it to the teacher. In short, Ali does not take enough responsibility for his homework.”
What goes through your mind when you encounter this and other similar situations every day? If your child neglects to fulfill his responsibilities even though you have reached an agreement and you bring his homework to school instead, it means that the issue of responsibility needs to be emphasized.
DEVELOPMENT OF THE SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY IN CHILDREN
Responsibility;
1) Obeying the rules,
2) Enduring the consequences of preferences or choices,
3) Respecting other people and their rights,
.
Although there may be individual differences, every process aimed at gaining responsibility has “basic” and “unchangeable” elements. These;
? Informing: Before the desired change in the child's behavior can occur, the child must be informed about this change. It is important to give information about the reasons so that he/she can see this change as a need.
Why the rules are set and the importance of responsibility should be explained. If children know why they have to do some work, they will learn when they need to help their families and when they can act independently.
? Follow-up: After the information, the child must be given some time to demonstrate the behavior in question. As a result of the follow-up during this period, it is determined whether responsible behavior occurred, when it occurred, and at what times the behavior was committed. It should be noted that it is/was not done.
? Feedback: It is necessary to inform about the progress after a certain period of time. If there is an increase in the number of desired responsible behaviors, it should be motivated with appropriate reinforcements. If there are problems in the emergence of the expected responsible behavior, these problems and their possible reasons should be shared with the child.
? Reminder: If the desired behavior does not occur, the reminder process should be repeated. This process, which begins with re-information, should continue until the behavior settles.
These elements described above do not only belong to the process of gaining responsibility; These are the elements that must be included in establishing basic habits, determining rules, in short, in all kinds of measures that will organize our lives, and behavior can only be established when approached with a determined and patient attitude.
The development of responsibility varies from child to child. However, when we evaluate it in terms of general developmental characteristics, knowing the responsibilities that children can fulfill at home can help us adjust our expectations. Accordingly;
6 years old;
? Dressing and undressing alone,
? Eating alone at the table,
? Being able to collect his toys,
? Being able to fold the clothes he takes off with help,
? Ability to clean hands and face,
7 years old; (in addition to the above)
? Preparing his bag,
? Finishing what he started,
Feeding animals such as birds and fish,
? Preparing projects and homework,
? Brushing his teeth,
8 years old; (in addition to the above)
? Doing self-care and tidying up her room without reminding her,
? Being able to convey messages from the school,
? To be able to take responsibilities regarding their lessons,
Between the ages of 9-11; (in addition to the above)
? Ability to identify interests, plan time and make daily schedules,
? Using his time well,
? Going to places close to home,
? Establishing good relationships with friends,
? Shopping.
My question Although the feeling of happiness is thought of as a skill required to perform some tasks, it is actually about the individual developing his own skills and being aware of the consequences of his actions. There is a very strong relationship between the sense of responsibility and the development of self-confidence. The child's dependence on his parents or other adults gradually decreases as he gains the ability to meet his own needs on his own. As the child experiences the consequences of his actions and uses his developing skills, his self-confidence increases. Children who are not given the opportunity to use and develop their skills remain limited in their sense of competence and self-confidence development. Giving the child the opportunity to perform tasks appropriate to his age, gender and personal characteristics, creating a model for desired behaviors and reinforcing positive behaviors are of great importance in developing the child's sense of responsibility.
In child development, social-emotional areas One of the most important goals is to teach the child, one by one, the behaviors that will support his/her personality development towards becoming a self-confident individual who can stand on his/her own feet. Among these behaviors, the child's awareness of responsibility is at the forefront. Taking responsibility for one's own behavior is not something a child can learn in one day as an adult. A child's acquisition of responsibility awareness is only possible with steps taken from the first years of life. Just like other social skills, awareness of responsibility is learned and developed first from the family and then from the social environment. Sense of responsibility is a social skill that is affected by personality traits and can be acquired later. Some children may be more inclined or willing to take responsibility due to their personality traits. Therefore, even if parents exhibit the same attitudes, siblings may develop a completely different sense of responsibility from each other. However, although personal characteristics have an impact on gaining a sense of responsibility, awareness of responsibility is largely a learned skill. Parents who teach and help the child develop every skill in his life, It also plays a leading role in the development of the sense of responsibility. Therefore, in order to develop the sense of responsibility, it is important for parents to give the child the opportunity to perform tasks appropriate to the child's age, gender and personal characteristics, to create models for desired behaviors and to reinforce positive behaviors.
When and How Should Children Be Taught Responsibility?
The first steps are difficult, but as children realize that they can meet their needs on their own, Their confidence will increase.
Actually, the answer to this question is hidden in their developmental stages. As a parent, give your child the opportunity to achieve everything he can on his own. Skills improve with use. The first steps are difficult, but as children realize that they can meet their needs on their own, their self-confidence will increase. Continuing to feed a child who can eat can harm both his development of skills and his sense of competence. Because just as we enjoy seeing ourselves achieve something, the same feeling of enjoyment also applies to children. As parents, it is important to support them in experiencing this joy.
Another role that falls to parents in gaining responsibilities is to be individuals who exhibit the desired behaviors. Children have very good observation skills. It is an effective method for parents to model the behaviors they want to teach their children. If parents forcefully, unwillingly or neglect their daily life responsibilities, responsibilities will mean situations that should be avoided for the child.
Children learn "by living and doing". Therefore, one of the most effective methods in developing a sense of responsibility is to give the child the opportunity to experience the consequences of his behavior. Parents generally try to make life easier for their children with the instinct of protecting them from negativities. Although all of these seem to protect the child from negative consequences in the short term, unfortunately, they carry the risk of negatively affecting personality development and self-confidence in the long term. If someone did your work for you every day, would you make an effort to do your job? trace? Naturally, children do not need to develop the skills supported by their parents, or rather, they do not seem to feel it, but one day, when their parents reduce their support, they will experience great difficulties. Because it is necessary to spend much more effort to acquire skills that are not developed in time. Every new skill begins with clumsy attempts. Therefore, children need time and parents' patience while learning responsibilities. It is normal for him to spill his food when he starts eating on his own, or for him to drop the glass while carrying it. In such cases, parents being critical, giving feedback such as "let them spill it, you can't do it" or doing it themselves because they want faster results may prevent the acquisition of responsibilities.
RECOMMENDATIONS...
Positive feedback: Positive feedback is needed for every new behavior to be learned and repeated, and for it to be reinforced and become a habit. Parental attention and approval are key to learning desired behaviors. Children do not always receive support from positive attention; sometimes they behave in a way that their parents are angry with and disapprove of, or by receiving negative attention, they exhibit an unwanted behavior. This is where it becomes important to tell children what they should do, rather than what they should not do. Going negative can unintentionally reinforce negative behavior. However, it would be more productive to notice the behaviors that we think are good, right and necessary and to use the energy to praise them. Children want their parents' attention and approval. Focusing on positive behavior and giving feedback about positive behavior is the most effective way to improve the desired behavior. If you show interest in your child when he plays with him calmly instead of getting angry when he makes his sibling cry, you will show interest in the desired behavior. This, of course, does not mean allowing negative behavior. You only need to support and
reinforce the behavior we want to develop.
Motivating responsibilities: When teaching children responsibilities, motivation
should not be forgotten. It is about behaviors that are enjoyable to do and that create a pleasant and praiseworthy situation as a result.
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