I have worked with hundreds of couples as a Family and Relationship Therapist. There are many reasons that seem to be related to the negative course of relationships. Unseen causes carry more risks. When the underlying problem is worked on and temporary relief is achieved, a more severe "Not Getting Along" situation emerges in the future. As time progresses in marriages, the number of topics covered up increases. As a result of ignorance, the real problem can remain deep down. Problems that are suppressed and glossed over cause spouses to develop emotions such as anger, feeling of injustice, and desire for revenge.
There are a few main emotions that people look for in basically every relationship. Such as caring about one's health, being necessary, being valuable, being appreciated, developing. We tend to move away from relationships in which we do not feel these enough. Naturally, people who cannot make us feel these feelings move away from us. The reason why relationships take a negative course is most likely due to the deficiency of one or more of these. Especially the; If we are hungry for these in our upbringing, the situation begins to mix with higher frequency.
“We must understand that if we want to develop as a happy society, we must carefully examine human nature, the natural differences between men and women, and understand how we can combine the two harmoniously. This is not to eliminate the apparent differences in our nature, on the contrary, it is to complement each other, everyone is as they are.”
(Excerpt from Dr. Laitman's speech, December 11, 2007)
When deciding on marriage Both people think they are the happiest couple in the world. They have now found the woman or man of their dreams. They say that their loved one thinks and feels just like them, and that they look at life from the same window. However, the factors and variables in marriage are not just a man and a woman. In fact, it is truly a dream for the two to look from the same window. Because there are natural differences. Most importantly, married life is real! It includes emotional and financial difficulties, illnesses, factors related to children, upbringing styles, etc. It is a real life that it affects.
"Women are from Venus, men are from Mars". It's like we come from different worlds. You ask why? Because While women use approximately 20,000 words a day, men are content with only 7,000 words. While women tell many people about their problems, men prefer to live in it without sharing it. While women focus on how the problem feels, men think about the solution. While women care about detail, art and sensitivity, men focus on economy, social status and power. Men look careless so as not to show weakness, women do not hesitate to cry or express their feelings. There are no shades of colors for men, dozens of color tone recipes are possible for women. As you noticed while reading, these are not deficiencies or excesses, but naturally complementary differences.
Where is the apocalypse coming? When a man thinks that a woman should think, feel and perceive like a woman like him...
I hope that when we combine the basic emotions needed above and the normalities of male and female nature, we will agree that the key to happiness will be gained by taking these needs and differences into consideration.
Imagine two people fighting each other with swords in their hands. Does just putting down the sword make peace? I think we should be careful to be a couple that cares for each other with love and respect in old age. “There is no winner in a fight.”
If we focus on our differences in relationships rather than our commonalities and complementary elements, the results will not be pleasing.
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