Contact is established at the border between the person and the environment. Having no boundaries is a state of intertwining. Perls (1973, cited in Daş, 2014) explained interconnection by giving an example through cells. All of our cells are separated from each other by a membrane, and thanks to this membrane, it is determined what they will accept and what they will reject. If our cells were intertwined, in other words, if the border between them were removed, none of them would be able to perform their functions. Based on this example, we can say that the state of enmeshment for the individual and the disappearance of boundaries prevent contact and therefore integration and development.
Enmeshment can occur between meals, work, home, mother and baby, It can be experienced with associations and clubs, with society and with another person. People who are involved with their homes feel like they are messy when their home is messy. People who are engaged with their work can work long hours and feel good when everything goes well. A person who is intertwined with society; He shapes himself according to the situation, which causes a loss of self. He perceives a word said to the community to which he belongs as if it were said to him, and cannot set boundaries between himself and the community. Fanatic fans can be given as an example; since they are closely involved with their own team during the match, they may perceive the behavior of the opposing team's players or the referee as being against them. The intertwined person is a parental figure to whom closeness and extreme emotional attachment are felt; It can be a partner, sibling, best friend and parent. Being entangled with society or another person indicates that one's autonomy and individuality are not developed. The person preferred to intertwine and cling rather than individualize or socially develop. For example; Someone who is entwined with his mother may want his mother to decide everything for him. For another example, he tells everything to his best friend and expects her to tell him in return. These people do not believe that they can survive emotionally without the support of others because they feel like they are one person when they are together. Feeling like one person, awareness of one's own thoughts, feelings, wants, needs, and body It causes it not to happen. Because of their undeveloped self, they feel the need to integrate with someone else because they cannot feel integrated within themselves. According to Clarkson (1991, cited in Daş, 2014), the basis of the need for interconnectedness is the fear of not being loved, disliked and abandoned, and because of these fears, the person clings to the other. Setting limits for the person with whom one is introverted is seen as a wrong thing, and the person feels guilty.
At the origin of intertwining; Parents do not see the child as an individual, they perceive it as an extension of themselves, and therefore they make decisions on the child's behalf. They do not allow the child to separate and individuate (Perls, 1973; cited in Daş, 2014). Parents only approve and support the child when the child interacts with them and behaves as they want. They cannot tolerate the aspects, thoughts and wishes of the child that are different from them (Dash, 2014). Purpose of therapy; The aim is to enable the client to see the aspects that are similar and different from the parent figure, to develop the ability to set boundaries and to help separation occur. The aspects of the individual that are different from the parent figure, such as their thoughts, opinions and wishes, and the aspects that are similar to the parental figure are revealed. Past experiences where they felt that they were different from the parent figure are remembered and they are allowed to express their true feelings to the parent figure in the therapy room, and role-plays are performed on setting boundaries. Separation is achieved by establishing a dialogue between the enmeshed/adherent child and the healthy adult (Young et al., 2013).
There is a certain rhythm in healthy relationships; It continues in the form of approaching, moving away, approaching again and moving away. As long as contact is maintained within this rhythm, the intertwining between people is healthy and separation occurs as the needs are met. Re-intertwining can also be experienced in a healthy way because there is nothing to fear. However, if a person remains in a state of constant intertwining, he cannot experience approaching and coming together again because he cannot move away. Contact is prevented and where there is no contact, integration and growth cannot be talked about. Daş (2014), the intertwined experience of being in love and underlined the similarity between the bonding experienced with the mother in the early period and the bonding experienced with the partner in adulthood. Polster and Polster (1974; cited in Daş, 2014) stated that enmeshment can occur not only with the person in love, but also in the love relationship, and that it gives the person a feeling of belonging and security.
Relationships in which intertwining is unhealthy are relationships that do not allow individuality, differences and thus the enrichment of the relationship. It is inevitable that these relationships will become boring and monotonous because contact is prevented and therefore excitement disappears. In conclusion; The stronger party in the relationship ends the relationship. People with a need for interconnectedness choose strong partners and immerse themselves in their lives. In such relationships, the partner is the star, while the intertwined person becomes a satellite in its orbit. The strong partner is a parental figure and choosing the familiar is comforting for the person, but this is exactly where the schemas are fed. Another aim of therapy is to make the client aware of the partner and friend choices that feed the need for interconnectedness and to contribute to their differentiation, self-expression and contact. During the therapy process, the individual becomes a free individual who can recognize and protect his/her own feelings, thoughts and needs, who believes that he can be loved, admired, accepted and exist with all his differences, who can respect himself and others for their differences, and who can support himself.
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