There is only one family that organizes the circumcision wedding, which is called a "trouble-free wedding". The other wedding is a bit “troubled and painful” even though it is not mentioned. It is not easy for two families from completely different cultures to come together and become relatives.
In the oldest village weddings, kashkek, soup, meat, rice and compotes were cooked by the prominent women of the village in cauldrons set up in the garden. “The sound of the drum that sounds pleasant from afar” hurts the girl's house. A girl who was married off at a very young age "was involved in trouble and trouble". Instead of today's jewelry ceremony, there was a scarf ceremony saying "this is from her aunt, this is from her mother-in-law." Gift fabrics and items were hung from a tree in the open air on a rope tied to a pole of the house, and when the ceremony was over, they were bundled with a sheet and carried to the groom's house. When the bride and groom appeared, in addition to the jewelry ceremony, money was also given to the bride and groom. These are my first childhood memories. People selling simit and soda would come to the wedding without invitation.
Instead of invitations, candy called "oku" was distributed and chanted during the wedding. Entertaining weddings with food lasted 3 days and ended with the "bride reception ceremony".
In my half-century of life, marriage styles have also changed, just like changes in all areas of life. Some get married in the countryside, some on a boat, some in an indoor wedding hall, some in the state marriage office, some underwater, and some in a flying balloon. But there are no marriages to the grave, as is established in the village wedding above.
In the past, families would negotiate and agree, verbal and non-verbal agreements would be established and families would be relatives. Human beings, who think they are smart, sometimes do nonsense many times and regret it many years later. In such cases, the extended family with their approval would intervene in the situation, families would not be torn apart and children would not become orphans due to trivial reasons.
The girl, who was made a bride with the old ceremonies and sent to another door, took the pain of the past by having a say after becoming a mother, and by becoming the "head of the family" after becoming a mother-in-law. Now, our free, strong, working republican girl says "life is common" and saves all expenses. � Marries by dividing. Their name is "cheap bride".
The culture of marriage, weddings and expense sharing, which has been formed for millions of years, has also changed rapidly in the last 50 years, and the rate of fights in troubled weddings has increased.
When engagement and marriage preparations became more individualized and disconnected from culture, or due to large differences between cultures, fights increased. In situations where young people found each other and families did not approve of each other, the psychological burden of young people increased even more. In addition to persuading each other, trying to unite their families at a certain point exhausted them, and their separation rates increased.
We see in couple therapies that the beginning of the fight is based on the wedding, especially the wedding dress. Then the jewelery continues with the selection of the wedding venue. The happiness of weddings, the best reason before death that brings extended families together, is sacrificed for nothing. The solution falls to adults again, and if young people say "only I know everything, I graduated from this school with honors", they are wrong.
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