While death is a complex and difficult situation to accept even for adults, it is much more difficult for children to comprehend this painful situation and get used to the absence of that person. Children's views on the concept of death vary greatly depending on their age. When giving the news of death to a child, it is very important to be able to explain it in an age-appropriate manner.
Children before the age of 3 cannot understand the concept of death at all. Between the ages of 3-6, they understand death, but they consider it as a reversible situation. Even though they gradually begin to understand the situation as something irreversible from the age of 6, the real perception of death begins to set in around the age of 10-12.
It is always necessary to be honest when giving the news of death to the child. Acting as if nothing is happening and saying that the deceased has gone somewhere and will come back causes much greater harm to the child in the long term. The child, who lives every day with the expectation of the future return of his lost relative, experiences disappointment again and again every day and begins to feel anger towards the deceased. He begins to think that she left him and that he did not return because he did not love her. If the death is unexpected and sudden, it will be useful to practice saying it. First of all, the child can be prepared for this situation by telling him that he is sick and his condition is bad. However, this process should not be prolonged for too long because during this process, the child may hear the news of this death from another source at an unexpected moment, which will be a shock for him/her and may lead to damage to his/her trust in you. It must be given by someone he loves and is loved by. Receiving this news from someone he does not trust, or does not know well enough, or does not like, will make it difficult for him to accept the situation.
Another disadvantageous situation that is frequently encountered in our culture is the anxiety of presenting death as a reward, a beauty. Statements made after the deceased person such as "God took him with him because he loved him very much or because he was a very good person" can cause different concerns in the child. The child who encounters such a situation accepts death as a sign of goodness and begins to think that he and his other relatives should also die. This death occurs When he does not, he may think that he and his other relatives are not actually good people or that God does not love them. Likewise, death should not be shown as a punishment. It should be conveyed in age-appropriate language that it is a natural part of life and that all living things will experience this process sooner or later.
While allowing the child to go through the mourning process, it will be beneficial to keep him/her away from funerals, burials and other cultural commemorations as much as possible. Seeing his other relatives in a very bad situation may be something he cannot handle due to his age.
It is necessary to allow the child to react naturally when he receives the news of death. He should be prevented from crying and given the opportunity to express his emotions. Considering his age, expecting him to behave in a very mature manner will give the child a responsibility he cannot handle. He should not be forced to talk, but he should be talked to when he wants to talk. No matter how accurately and healthily death is explained to the child, depending on his age, the child will not be able to accept the death very easily. This process will be much more difficult for the child, especially if the missing person is one of his parents. It is very useful to observe the general behavior of the child exposed to this situation and get general support from an expert.
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