Knowing what is happening in the cognitive and developmental processes of adolescents during Covid-19 days may be a way to help parents make sense of their children's behavior and manage their own approaches to them. Understanding how they feel and the reasons for their behavior, especially in relation to their developmental periods, will make these days less worrying for both the adolescent and the parent. It is highly likely that adolescents will have different attitudes than children and adults regarding the changing and developing structure of the brain during adolescence. In adolescence, although the individual knows the negative outcome of a negative behavior, it is possible that he/she will be attracted to the excitement of an experience that he/she wants to have, which is a possible positive outcome. It is necessary to know that the reason for this is the changes that occur in the structure of the brain during adolescence. During adolescence, the dopamine hormone increases and this increases the reward drive. Adolescents' behavior such as disobeying their parents and rules in order to do what they want with an insensitive attitude, believing that nothing will happen to them during this period, is a result of the increased reward drive in their brains. This increased dopamine secretion causes people to ignore the risks and negative consequences and focus only on the experiences and the pleasure and reward they will provide. Desires to act without thinking are common. If parents perceive these behaviors as a weapon pointed at them and a rebellion, they cannot help adolescents manage the days we live in. It will not be possible for a teenager who feels misunderstood to exhibit conciliatory attitudes.
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In light of this information, what parents of teenage children need to learn is that their behavior occurs as a result of a developmental period. When we look at our teenage children with such information, we can help them manage the situation during the pandemic days by;
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Allowing them to express their thoughts and feelings and listening to them instead of blaming them.
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Reactively confront Instead of stopping, let him experience his feelings and stand by him with all your care and attention
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Accepting that he is experiencing the feelings he expresses and not ignoring them
It will cause the adolescent to feel understood and to pause. The adolescent's hesitation will enable him to consider other alternatives related to the experience he wants to have. It is very important at this point to be able to listen to the adolescent who expresses his thoughts and feelings, without using accusatory language and without making any judgments or criticisms.
To give an example of accusatory language;
“The fact that you insisted on going out made me feel bad.”
“The fact that you spent the time you were at home just playing games on the computer made me think that you did not care about me at all. .”
“You are thinking of things that will endanger us all in such a period, and this makes us feel anxious.”
This type of speech causes the person not to express himself comfortably in mutual dialogues and to feel that he is not fully understood. It is possible. Such language may cause the adolescent to withdraw or become more defiant. It is important to use I language instead of this language;
“I felt bad about you insisting on going out”
“I feel like I don't care
when you just spend time playing video games.”
“I was a little worried about this idea you said.”
In such a dialogue, the adolescent does not see himself as guilty and can increase the sharing of thoughts and feelings.
When accusatory language is used, it is right in front of the adolescent, not next to him. is found. However, when I language is used, we make the adolescent feel that we are with him and provide him with the opportunity to express himself. At the same time, we take a step together to solve a problem.
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Adolescents may be experiencing the feeling of not being understood more during this period. Adolescents generally feel understood by their friends and those like them, but in this process they are also quite distant from their friends. Our statements are quite important at this point. moist.
When we respond to an adolescent who says "I'm bored" with our frequently used expressions such as "it's better to be bored" or "what's there to be bored with?", we automatically ignore his thoughts, feelings or the situation he is experiencing. This may make the adolescent feel that he or she is not cared for or seen, and may make the adaptation process difficult and cause him or her to become stubborn. In order to reduce these thoughts, it is important to recognize and accept the emotions experienced by the adolescent.
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