In today's article, how can the concept of death be explained to a child who lost a relative in the concrete period that lasts until the age of 11? and what should be the parental attitudes on this issue? We will examine the issues.
Death is perhaps one of the most real points of our existence. The only thing we can all know for sure in life is that we will die one day. While it is quite difficult to make existential sense even for adults, thinking about it from the eyes of children requires a different perspective.
The child of the concrete period perceives reality in its most visible, audible and felt form. That's why everything taught and experienced is conveyed concretely, as if it were a part of nature. Death is one of the most abstract concepts that a child will perceive.
The existence of death can sometimes arouse feelings of guilt in the child. In order to prevent this, it is necessary to avoid avoidance that will cause confusion in the child (not answering, denying the existence of death, saying "He is sleeping", etc.). However, it is necessary to avoid harsh confrontations before the child can make sense of the current situation and emotion. (“He is gone”, “He is no more”)
In such a situation how do we explain death to the child?
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The parent or caregiver should do this first. Efforts should be made not to tell teachers working at the school or distant relatives.
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This situation is explained to the child in the clearest and most understandable terms possible. Examples of plant or animal deaths occurring in nature can also be given in this regard. (Plants are living things that look beautiful to our eyes. They live, wither, change, and die. (An example can be given for all living things.)
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Change is a part of nature. (The sun comes out during the day, the sun goes down at night, caterpillars become butterflies.)
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Everything has a beginning and an end. Every day someone is born, every day someone dies. When someone dies, his body no longer works. He no longer breathes, his heart stops. He no longer thinks or feels. He no longer eats, does not meet his needs, and does not sleep. People can die for many reasons. Some because they are too old, some because they are too sick. Because they are angry, some may die due to unexpected situations.
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In this process, you can take into account all the child's emotions and emotional changes and continue to make explanations accordingly.
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“What's on your mind right now?” It is a good question to understand the child's thoughts.
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If he asks you a question about a subject you do not know, you can say "I don't know, but I will research it."
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Stories and children's documentaries are also tools that can help in this regard.
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Children's questions should be answered, this shows that they are trying to make sense of it, but the answer we give should consist of short and clear expressions.
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The child's living arrangement should not be changed suddenly. As much as possible, one should try to continue the life he had before death.
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Since the concrete stage child cannot yet make sense of abstract issues sufficiently, explanations such as "He went to heaven", "He is watching us") cause the child to become confused. They may ask more questions about these issues and may not fully understand them. Making these statements before the age of 12 may worry him/her.
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“Grief is a normal response to an abnormal situation.”
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Grief. During this period, activities such as keeping a diary or a diary for the deceased, growing plants for him, talking about him, and conveying the memories he had with him may be beneficial for the child to go through this process in a healthy way.
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If he does not want it, he should not be taken to the funeral, but this may vary depending on the child's psychological reaction and temperament.
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Normalizing the situation and saying that everyone misses the deceased will ensure that the child does not feel lonely.
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Ensuring the child expresses his/her emotions as much as possible is very effective in such a situation. To do this, ask together with the child: "What do I feel right now?" you can play the game. For example; Happy, angry, sad and scared faces are drawn on a piece of paper and asked, "Tell me the emotion you feel and then choose." Depending on the child's choice, the child is discussed and his or her concerns are addressed.
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The mourning process is a process that does not only involve the family. In this regard, support should be received from the school and it is necessary to be sensitive to the problems that the child may have (such as nail biting, bedwetting).
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It is always useful to get support from an expert during this period.
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