During the pandemic, the whole family will often be in home quarantine, right?
In order for these days to be more positive and healthier for your family relationships and individual psychology, I would like to tell you about the FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE, which was revealed by the famous Couple and Family therapist Gottman with his scientific studies on couples and relationships for many years. . Gottman explained to us the 4 most basic behaviors that will harm our relationships and the 4 positive behaviors that can be replaced with these behaviors.
Here are the FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE that will enable you to always keep your relationship and communication with your loved ones healthy;
️ CRITICISM; Instead of criticizing our loved ones, that is, instead of "you language", we should convey our feelings with "I language". With this change, we not only do not blame the other person but also add depth to our relationship by presenting our own feelings.
For example; “I'm tired of you watching TV all the time.” Instead of using the expression "I", we express our own feelings using "I" language and say, "I feel unimportant when you only watch TV in the evenings and do not pay attention to me." “I want you to be more careful about this.” like…
️ DEFENSE; Instead of taking our guard and acting defensively when talking about your problems, thinking and talking about the responsibilities we can take for that problem and our solution suggestions increases mutual respect and trust in our relationship.
For example; “This is your fault, not mine.” instead of “Actually, we both have a share in this mistake. “I will put more effort into my part.” like…
️ HUMILIATION; Appreciating our loved ones instead of belittling them will increase their confidence and respect in themselves and in the relationship. Being appreciated is one of the most basic human needs. Think about yourself... How happy, grateful and productive you become when you are appreciated, right?
For example; “You are so incompetent!” instead of “I appreciate your effort.” like…
️ WALLING; Being sulking and being cold is one of the most violent and passive aggressive ways of communication. It is destructive. This deprivation and rejection causes anger on the other side. Instead of building walls or getting angry at our loved ones, we can relax physically and psychologically by giving ourselves some personal space. First of all, we can turn to things that relax us. Because we all have the right and need to stop, get away for a while, return to ourselves and think about the problems.
For example; Instead of getting upset, calming down by giving yourself space first and then talking about the problem is what is necessary for a healthy and happy relationship.
Life is Beautiful Together..! Hope you have a nice day,
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