Many of the problems experienced in marriage arise from deficiencies and mistakes in communication. Sometimes a sexual problem arises from the inability to convey the retained anger to the partner in a good way, and sometimes cultural differences can turn into lifelong reproaches due to poor communication. Constantly dwelling on the past and meaningless and endless arguments all stem from lack of communication. Reading the partner's mind, talking at the same time, starting a discussion from any part of the topic without listening, are examples that disrupt communication. Communication often turns into a battle of justification. However, thanks to good communication, it is possible to agree on almost every issue and to compromise in cases where agreement is not possible.
One of the interventions that I think is most effective in couple therapy is communication with feedback. This method, which we teach to every couple who come to us for therapy, creates a very powerful transformation in couples. It begins to become easier for the couple to understand each other and compromise. It becomes possible to apply this technique learned in the therapy environment at home.
Although it cannot solve every problem, I aim to share with you this method and contribute to your happiness, when applied carefully, you will be pleased with the positive results.
Now you are comfortable. Sit on two couches and, with firm eye contact, tell your partner about the issue that is most important to you. Do not use very long sentences, explain clearly and briefly. As the conversation gets longer and more detailed, your effectiveness and understandability will decrease. What really matters is what the listener will do. I found it appropriate to write them down item by item below.
1-All you have to do is listen to your spouse and give feedback.
2-Never interrupt your spouse while he is talking, but do not make sentences like you did this too until the end. listen.
3-Listen to what your spouse says, even if you think you are right.
4- Clarify the areas that are not understood by just asking questions.
5-When your spouse is finished speaking, tell him what you heard from him. Explain using the words he used. Finally, ask him/her if I understood you correctly.
6-Each partner's speech should last a maximum of 3-4 minutes. Longer conversations lose their effect and make it difficult to focus (My suggestion is
Now it is your turn, so the one who listened first can now respond, and the same, adhering to the above principles, the other partner will now listen.
Feeling heard and understood creates an almost magical effect and The person immediately begins to listen with a positive ear. When both spouses feel understood, the solution or compromise will come naturally.
I wish you all a healthy and well-communicated married life.
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