Death; It is a difficult reality to face at every stage of life, whether a child or an adult. Transferring this to the child and making him/her understand it will be much more difficult for an adult who already has difficulty accepting the situation.
When giving an explanation to the child about death, you should make sure that it is appropriate for his developmental period and whether he is ready to talk about it at that moment. For example; Death before age 5; While fainting is perceived as sleeping, it is incomprehensible that the dead person will never come back. While it is known that a person who dies between the ages of 6 and 9 cannot come back; Between the ages of 9-12; It can be understood that the deceased has passed into another dimension, like heaven. The attitude and facial expressions while conveying this subject are very important.
What should be the Correct Approach to Explanation?
*While giving the explanation, give the information to the child in small pieces, each time explaining what and how much. It is necessary to continue the conversation by measuring whether you can cope.
* It would not be meaningful for children under the age of 6 to attend the funeral. Situations that will be difficult for them to understand will cause their anxiety to increase with uncertainty and many question marks. In older children; He/she should be given preliminary information so that he/she can be prepared for the situations he/she will see and experience there. It is especially necessary to share briefly and clearly what they will see there, who will be there, what emotional state people will be in and what they will do.
* You should not neglect yourself and your self-care at this critical time. Children learn what they see, and you should be a role model for them about how pain can be expressed.
*The concept of death should be explained with completely realistic emotions and words, without using sentences such as '-slept' or '-went to heaven'.
Situations to avoid when explaining death:
-Do not try to hide your sadness or crying. Seeing loved ones grieve during and after the death, without over-reactions, will help the child know that it is normal and healthy to cry and be sad after a serious loss.
- Do not hesitate to share memories of the deceased. Ba Zen adults are afraid to talk about death in front of children because they think it will be painful. Research shows that sharing memories and stories helps heal and provide closure to pain.
- Don't change the subject when children enter the room. Doing so puts a taboo mark on the subject of death. Instead, try to adjust your level of knowledge and expression when you talk about death in the child's presence.
-Do not change your daily routine. Children need consistency. Try to maintain your daily routine at home and outside as much as possible. Also ensure that the child continues to participate in normal activities, such as school and social events.
-Do not think that death forbids laughing. Smiling is a healing tool.
- Finally, in order to get through this process more easily; Get professional support from a therapist trained in grief and trauma. Also, remember that after you have clarified with the expert about the correct sharing method, it will be much healthier for a family member who has experienced the same pain to convey this sharing to the child.
In order for the child who has lost a parent to make sense of the death;
A THERAPEUTIC STORY (On death)
Once upon a time, in a sieve of straw ...... There was a boy who lost his life. This child's only wish is; To be able to see ........... again. Every night when you go to bed; He said 'please ....... come back from where he went' but ....... never came.
However, there was something this child did not know, ....... was that child's heart. When he runs and plays, when he beats fast, when he eats ice cream and gets happy, when he gets happy, when he gets sad, in other words, in every moment of his life, his wife is with him in every heartbeat. Click, click, click, click, click....
Every time his heart beats, his ............ was giving him a message. "I'm here, I'm always with you," he said, but the child could not understand this message. Finally, seeing the helplessness of .........., the sleeping fairies decided to take a hand in this matter and one night, they brought .......... and the child together in sleep. ............ said to the child, 'I am your child now. I live in Albin, that is my home, take care of where I live and be happy; "Every time you miss me, put your hand to your heart and know that I will click under your hand like I'm placing a kiss on your hair," he said. From that day on, this little boy; He always tried to be happy, thinking that ......... lived in his heart. The child grew, his heart also grew, and the place where his mother was was expanded. The love that fits inside that heart has grown and become bigger day by day..
(It is a therapeutic story especially suitable for children before the age of 7 who are still in the concrete thinking period.)
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