“We should not make the mistake of trying to obtain the feeling of great love from a lover. Because these efforts of women to find and sing the hymn of creation is a task they can handle alone.” Says Clarissa P. Estes.
As long as they are not suppressed and oppressed, women will gain their vitality and enlighten first themselves, then a man, a house, a child. The feeling of love is within us, what a big mistake it is to try to get it from someone else.
Before and after marriage is a journey that requires change and development. First of all, the feeling of love is a feeling that changes a person's perspective. But the important question here is: "Who will this change be for?" “What benefit will it bring to whom?” “The 'I' we will encounter at the end of this change; Will he be someone we are happy to have met, or will he be a completely different person shaped according to someone else's wishes?
If we are married, let's think about me before and after marriage. If we are not married, let's examine our thoughts. How did we dress when we met with our partner before marriage? How were our discussions developing? Were we able to accept our partner as he was and express our criticisms in a proper manner? Then think about the processes of all these issues after marriage. If the difference between the two is clear, it is useful to review our behavior, our thoughts, and most importantly, ourselves.
The intensity of emotions before marriage, the desire to be liked and accepted, and the fear of losing can direct our behavior. We dress for our partner, not for ourselves. We keep silent at points that do not seem right to us, thinking 'don't let him get offended or offended'. Even if there are traits and behaviors that we do not approve of in our partner, we ignore them because we have intense emotions and fear of losing them, and how our criticisms are appropriate and polite... All of this is directed at our partner. These are the points that we pay careful attention to in order to get closer.
After marriage, the process of dressing for our partner goes towards not taking care with the thought of 'I got married anyway'. Behaviors that do not seem right to us begin to become apparent to us one by one, we make inappropriate criticisms, and arguments continue one after another. He doesn't die. At the same time, we get the thought, "It wasn't like this before." However, it was like that before. But beforehand, we were seeing as much as we wanted to see, or we were getting the idea that it would change anyway. When we look back at the processes where we thought everything was okay before, we realize that we actually did many things that we did not like. That's why, while we take an attitude towards not losing our partner before marriage, we fight not to lose our identity after marriage.
The processes mentioned above are some of the problems that couples will experience before and after every marriage. First of all, the question we need to ask ourselves is: "Do I want a fake life away from myself, or a free life with someone who accepts me as I am?" After answering this question as a free life, the troublesome issues mentioned above will not become birds and fly away, of course they will appear again. But our behavior and perspective will change. We will dress the way we find ourselves beautiful and happy, not for our partner (of course, we can ask for their opinions, we often look at ourselves through the eyes of our loved one), there will be no situations that we postpone with the words 'don't be offended or upset', we will be able to say the things that feel right to us, in the appropriate and timely manner, paying attention to the style, to avoid arguments. Instead of hiding our true feelings, we will know that discussion reveals differences, that it is developer and healer, provided that it is not physically and psychologically damaging, and if being ourselves in a relationship will lead to us being excluded and this will force us to submit, we will have the courage to say 'I'm out'.
We will love ourselves first. First, we will embrace ourselves, both spiritually and physically. First, we will accept and love ourselves with our mistakes. We will begin to love a man, a house, a child, knowing that love is not just about a happy life without four faults. With his mistakes. Without waiting from them.
Read: 0
