Negative behaviors shown by children are generally perceived as a problem. However, the behaviors displayed by children are not a problem, but their reactions to problems. If a child behaves excessively timidly or aggressively, this is actually an expression of his brain under stress, anxiety and fear. After experiencing physical tension, the child either attacks or tends to freeze, passively accepting it. These are signals that children need to be soothed at those moments. Children need caregivers because they cannot do this on their own or even do not know these things.
Emotion regulation; When faced with a difficult situation or a challenging emotion, instead of stopping and reacting impulsively; To be able to react most appropriately by noticing and managing emotions, behaviors and body sensations.
Regulating emotions; It does not mean 'eliminating' challenging emotions such as anxiety, fear, stress and anger. Accepting that all emotions are natural and allowing ourselves to experience our emotions in a healthy way. For this, first of all, it is necessary to name the emotions. It is important to understand the connections between emotions and subsequent events and situations.
“Emotion management is a skill that develops and can be taught.”
Children's Developing emotional management skills helps them be successful in emotional, social, academic and behavioral areas and improves their problem-solving skills. So, we can actually say that emotion regulation improves emotional intelligence. The components of emotional intelligence are; Recognizing emotions, expressing emotions, learning to empathize, expressing oneself and coping with emotions.
How to Increase Emotional Intelligence?
First of all, it is necessary to teach children emotions. You can teach the 6 basic emotions by drawing facial expressions. Our 6 basic emotions are; happiness, sadness, disgust, fear, surprise and anger.
Change your communication at home to talking about feelings rather than events and situations. For example; Let's say you notice that your child is crying or very angry when he comes home from school, and he locks himself in his room without saying anything. I went to him and said, "What happened?" Why are you like this?" Instead of asking questions like: "You seem very angry, did you experience something at school today that made you angry?" or you know that he had an exam that day, he came upset: “You look very sad, you had an exam today, I guess it went a little badly.” In this way, the child will both learn about emotions and see that you understand his/her feelings, and therefore will feel that he is valuable.
Parents can talk about emotions in their daily conversations while sitting or eating in the evening. For example; “Traffic made me very tired today. My boss was worried that the project would not be completed and shouted at me, and I was very upset, but I am doing my best. On my way back, I called a friend and it made me very happy to talk to him.''
As parents, be a role model for your children in emotional management. Share your own relaxation and problem-solving strategies with them. For example; “You know, sometimes I get very angry at my boss too. When that happens, I go out to the balcony, take a deep breath, call a friend I like or go to her and chat with her. These make me feel a little better in the moment. Be sure to try to give them the message that we cannot control feeling emotions, but that every emotion is temporary, will not stay with us forever, and can change from moment to moment. You can do this by using the words “when it calms down” and “when it passes”.
Activities That Can Be Done at Home for Emotion Regulation
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First of all, you can create a common area at home that can provide emotional regulation. This area can be in the child's room, the living room or another common area of the house. Ask your child about this and decide together. Likewise, ask what would make your child feel good if something happened in this area and find out those things. Add it to the field. It can be a large cushion, a tent, a squishy mat, a small noise-making device, a large pillow, play dough, etc. Don't pile everything in this area, just be careful to put a few of the most relaxing things.
No matter what emotion the child experiences, time should be given to experience his emotions. Especially if the emotion he feels is anger, it should definitely not be talked about at that moment, but should first be directed to activities that will enable him to express his anger. Think about yourself, when you get very angry and someone tries to calm you down or says something, does your anger go away or do you get more angry? The situation is the same for children as it is for us.
Balloon Game: Take balloons home to be inflated, but while inflating the balloons, you should explain to the child in an age-appropriate manner why you are doing this and that you are studying the subject of breathing.
You can explain the situation with a sentence like "Look, breathing is very important for us and helps us calm down." While inflating the balloon, you should exhale slowly so that body awareness can be achieved and intense emotions can decrease. Afterwards, you can write the emotions the child feels at that moment on the balloons, and then the child can pop them.
Hacyatmaz, Sandbag, Large Pillow: When the child gets extremely angry, you can use one of these. You can help your child express anger by directing it to them when he feels anger.
Pilates Ball, Trampoline, Music: He can discharge his impulsive energy by jumping on the pilates ball, trampoline, or he can put on his headphones and turn on the music he wants at the desired volume and as he wishes. let him dance.
Kinetic Sand, Play Dough: These also have calming and emotional expressing effects. Later, narrative studies can be carried out regarding the shapes made.
Scratching Game: When the whole family is together, create a big picture paper is placed. Everyone draws free lines on the paper with soft paints (pastel or crayon style). They can overlap each other, complement each other, etc. Afterwards, imagination work is done on the lines and shapes that appear on the paper. “What do you think this looks like?”, “Oh, this looks like a heart, it looks like a triangle, it looks like a star…”, “What do you think Grandpa is feeling, what is he doing right now?” Narratives and emotions can be talked about with sentences such as.
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