If you are married or in a relationship, I think the most basic issue is for both parties to take each other's feelings into consideration. So, I find the concept of emotional communication very important. If there are two people, there are actually two different worlds.
- Habits,
- Upbringing,
- Education,
- Character, It is not possible to avoid differences on issues such as etc.
So when two different worlds come together, they can find many issues that can conflict if they want.
Ways to get along with your spouse
strong>Do not try to be right
If a peaceful, happy relationship is desired, trying to be right or prove that one's own point of view is correct should not be the main source of motivation. . As a psychologist who has been doing couple and marriage therapy for years, I wanted to underline this issue.
Speak about your feelings, not your thoughts
The way to reach an agreement is emotional, not intellectual. Of course, provided that it is mutual.. “If I am with this person, if I love him, I should try to understand that feeling when he expresses his unhappiness, sadness, discomfort, anger about a subject. In other words, by communicating without saying "Oh dear, would you be upset about this too?", "What's wrong with this?", "Are you worried about this?", that is, without referring to your own point of view, you confirm the feeling of the other party and the whole issue is resolved. Just holding a mirror to your partner's emotions such as "You are sad" or "I can see that you are very angry right now" and saying "I am with you" opens all doors.
Respect emotions
Even if you don't agree or understand, showing respect and accepting feelings makes the other party feel a great relief. He or she wants to understand your feelings in another situation, and thus, you, your partner and your relationship will actually win!
There are a lot of intellectual discussions in both my therapy sessions and in the couples I observe outside. That is, both people defend their side to the end, as if they were playing a match, and the tension escalates. Far from agreeing, couples who adopt this path feel lonely in the relationship after a while, and distance, disconnection, and avoidance of communication occur. In fact, this is overlooked: There is no other person living in the world who thinks and feels just like us on every issue! Therefore, if you have an expectation that this is what should happen in your relationship with your spouse or partner, it would be useful to change it as of today. The important thing is not to have the same ideas and feelings under all circumstances. The important thing is acceptance, approval, respect. Accepting your partner's feelings does not take anything away from your character, it does not make you someone else.
There was a best-selling book on relationships, “Men are from Mars, women are from Mars.” It's called "From Venus". It made so much noise. This was actually the main idea of that book. In addition to the differences I mentioned above, we have always had and will always have differences based solely on being men and women.
I wish for calm and serene relationships in which we can accept those who are different from us, those who think and feel,
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