Basically, it is a defense mechanism used to hide the hurt, worn out and worthless structure inside. One of the hallmark characteristics of people with a narcissistic personality is that they are hyper-focused on being successful while being extremely sensitive to failure. They think that they are a little different from everyone else, a special, superior, important person. While they feel very good when they are praised, they feel uncomfortable, hurt and angry when they are criticized.
The feelings of grandiosity and worthlessness go side by side. They are not aware of their deep-seated feeling of worthlessness, and they constantly try to prove to themselves and those around them how special and valuable they are in order to avoid getting involved in this feeling. They want to do things that no one else can do. These processes develop unconsciously, they do not realize that they are doing them.
In some people, the grandiose structure is not understandable when viewed from the outside. They are seen as extremely modest people, who never boast and who do not like to be praised. They enjoy making their modesty known to others. When examined in depth, a grandiose structure emerges from within; they can dream about how important a person they are in their inner world.
They want to do the best for what they do, they pursue the best school, the best job. They should receive the best education and have the best workplace.
They can be seen in different forms in society. There are also narcissistic people who feed on victim and oppressed feelings. They are the ones who are in the most difficult situation, who have the worst events happen to them, who are the sickest, the most unfortunate, the most unhappy. They make the other person feel the feelings of being able to withstand so much adversity and still standing, and they feed off of this.
They often use sentences containing 'I'. They feel attracted to and direct their attention to someone who notices and understands them. Their well-being after their success is temporary. That's why they are always striving for new successes.
Narcissistic people always stay away from happiness, they look at it from the opposite side. Since they cannot enjoy the present, they constantly make plans for the future. These plans never end.
Most successful people in society have narcissistic personality traits. Y� Managers, leaders, scientists, businessmen have these personality traits.
Married people usually have problems with their spouses and children. Unmarried people often experience intimacy and separation problems with their lovers. Their relationships are distant and cold, and it is very difficult to capture emotionality.
Those who know these people from afar often admire them and find them charismatic. They analyze the other person's emotions well, but they can be indifferent to these emotions and use them to hurt the other person. It is often difficult to live with these people because their empathy skills are weak; It is inevitable to feel worthless in the face of someone who constantly belittles, mocks and criticizes.
It is mostly seen in men. When choosing partners, they choose women with borderline personality structure. These women also prefer them. They prefer women who are hard to reach and then devalue them. As the relationship progresses, they become fixated on previously invisible details and turn them into problems. As a result, intense criticism and devaluation and anger crises occur. Unless a solution is found to the problems experienced, the tendency to seek alternative partners and sexual fantasies begins. They may use defense mechanisms such as meaningless and perverted sexual tendencies, interest in pornography, drinking alcohol, substance use, doing dangerous sports, driving fast, focusing more on work, and excessive interest in ideological groups.
They may use defense mechanisms such as failure and criticism. They experience psychological fractures as a result of their sensitivity to abandonment. In this case, medical disorders that we call psychosomatic diseases are observed in their bodies. For example; headache, backache, chest pain, heartache, stomach ache. They also frequently encounter sexual problems. For example; Premature ejaculation, erection problems, excessive interest in other women and cheating on one's spouse may occur.
Why does narcissistic personality develop?
0-6 years is a critical period. Before the child is born, there are designs about the child that will be raised in the family's mind. What he should achieve, what he should do, what he should not do has already been determined and the child has to comply with all of these. This effort of the family requires the child to unconsciously behave in accordance with the form. makes it li. The child's achievements are constantly praised and it is often said how successful and perfect he is. The child is not given a free space and is not allowed to make his own decisions. The most basic thing that a child learns from his family is that in order to gain the love of his parents, he must behave in accordance with their expectations. If the child does not behave as his parents want, the relationship with the child is cut off or he is punished. The father is usually extremely authoritarian and vague, and the mother cannot establish a quality emotional relationship like the father.
As this child grows up, his only concern is to please his parents. In this case, he does not have the opportunity to get to know his own skills, needs and desires. Because when they fail, the interest and love for the child is completely cut off. In this way, the family unknowingly punishes the child many times. The child also learns to treat his man accordingly in order to receive love. When he grows up, he always rushes to be successful and to get the appreciation of other people.
The mother's loss of love, resentment, and not speaking creates a constant feeling of worthlessness in the child. This child develops many identities to please the family, also called false self. He disguises himself in order to please everyone he sees and to receive love. As a continuation of the conditional love he received, he receives conditional love from all people. Because they wear a mask all the time, life makes them very tired and they are constantly tired. They express that they are tired even if they are not working.
Is there a treatment?
These people do not seek treatment due to their mental problems. They apply with complaints such as meaninglessness of life, feeling of emptiness, and depression. They may also apply due to panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and sexual problems.
These clients can be helped with psychotherapy. Clients sometimes idealize the therapist and sometimes feel intense anger. The therapy process varies for each client. Treatments are satisfactory with an experienced therapist and a holistic approach.
Read: 0
