Children want to understand the rules of the world they live in and they want to know where they stand in the eyes of people, how far they can go, what happens when they go too far. As they grow, they want to find ways to measure their increased skills and capacities. Boundaries play a very important role in this learning and discovery process, but if the messages are not clear, the lessons that the parents are trying to give may become ineffective.
Boundaries support children's research. Have you ever thought that children are researchers? Yes, they are all researchers. From an early age, they experiment, make discoveries, gather information about what is going on around them and how it happened. Based on the information they have gathered, they develop certain beliefs about boundaries.
However, what is done, not what is said, is effective in the formation of these beliefs. Because children's research is shaped not by what they are told, but by what they experience. In other words, children learn with eyes, not words.
Boundaries determine the path of approved behavior. Have you ever traveled on a road with few or no road signs? People get very confused. You don't know which direction to go. If there are no signs showing the way, you can take the wrong path and get lost. Children trying to learn the path of approved behavior feel the same way.
As long as the boundaries are clearly defined and consistent, it is easier for children to understand and follow this path.
Boundaries also define relationships. Children may not know how much power they have in their relationships with adults and how much they can control that relationship, but they do know how. They do what they are going to do and start observing the results. As they interact with adults throughout the day, they explore their power and control by doing research. Most of this research is done at home. Home is like an educational place that prepares children for the real world. In this place of education, children are students and we are teachers. The lessons we teach will set the standards for approved behavior in the outside world.
Many research questions about relationships are answered when children are faced with clear and understandable boundaries. and they find the answer. Who is in control here? How far can I go? What happens if I go too far?
When children are given too much power and control, they have exaggerated feelings about their influence and authority. Boundaries become blurred and they start experimenting more. This causes them to become confused and engage in power struggles with adults.
Boundaries also provide safety for children. Children expect their parents to act like parents. They need us to be determined. They expect and rely on us to set firm and clear boundaries on them. Setting respectful boundaries sends powerful messages to children: “I am your mother, I am your father. I am strong, I am capable. You can trust me, I'll show you the right way.”
In short, limits allow children to understand both themselves and the environment they live in; It gives them the opportunity to explore and learn.
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