It is quite natural for two different individuals living under the same roof in marriage to have disagreements. Some conflicts and tensions may occur in almost every family. However, repeating these arguments too often, spouses starting to hurt each other verbally and physically, and communicating without respect and love can cause deep wounds in the psychology of children at home.
Family is the most important institution that shapes the future lives of children. It is the most fundamental right of children to grow up in a peaceful family environment. It is very important for the child's psycho-social development that the child grows up in a peaceful and compassionate environment, away from arguments and tension, especially in early childhood, when the personality structure is formed.
The negative effects of fights within the family on the child:
- A child who sees his parents verbally or physically attacking each other may hold himself responsible for this situation and feel that his parents do not love him.
- A child who grows up in violent fights between spouses, Over time, it causes him to become afraid of them, alienate him, and lose his confidence. The intense anger and physical violence that occurs in fights is a frightening situation for children. When a child gets angry and sees his father or mother succumbing to his anger, he thinks that his parent, whom he described as a loving person until that day, has turned into something else, and he is afraid that the anger will be directed towards him. As a result of all these, the child's trust in his/her parents is shaken.
- Violence that comes with arguments at home in front of the child from time to time may cause the child to be prone to violence in the outside world.
Spouses talking loudly to each other. It increases the child's level of fear and anxiety.
A child who cannot find peace at home may look for happiness elsewhere. Children who commit crimes, use alcohol, drugs and cigarettes are likely to grow up in an uneasy family environment. Disagreements between parents cause bad memories in the child's ability to love people and life and adapt to social life. It will remain as. The emergence of many psychosocial disorders in people may be due to such unpleasant memories experienced in childhood. For example; Growing up in an uneasy family environment is effective in the basis of many psychological disorders such as reluctance towards life, developing hostile feelings towards people, taking pleasure in torturing animals, lying, stealing, acquiring various tics, lack of self-confidence, and shyness. The school success of the growing child will also be low. He cannot listen or concentrate on lessons that require particular attention. When parents complain about their children's academic success, they should first question themselves. In addition, the child, who is affected by the tense family environment at home, may act aggressively towards his friends at school, isolate himself from them, and remain lonely.
The depressive mood of the parents is reflected in their children, and the children show depressive symptoms such as intense sadness, unhappiness, and not being able to enjoy anything.
What Should Parents Pay Attention to?
First of all, if husband-wife fights cannot be prevented, this situation should definitely not be reflected on the child. Parents should avoid arguments in front of the child.
It is necessary to ensure that the discussions are solution-oriented.
If the child has witnessed the argument at home, he/she should take care to resolve the discussion. Resolving the argument between parents reduces the emotional and behavioral impact of the fight on the child. Resolving the problems between their parents causes children to feel that this conflict is constructive, and the child's reaction changes accordingly. Resolved, constructive discussions are important for both parents and children. Although it is not always possible to find a solution in front of the child, children will benefit from an explanation on this issue.
But it is very important that words are consistent with behavior. The message the child receives from his parents' speech and the message he receives from their actions and tone of voice should not be contradictory.
Spouses should avoid hurtful and humiliating words or expressions. This situation increases the child's anxiety and fear.
During the fight, the child is given "his rights". They should not be given the duty of "safeguarding". Mother and father should not tell the child their complaints about each other, should not criticize each other to the child, should not put pressure on the child to take sides.
Mothers and fathers should not reflect their anger on the child during an argument, and should not take their anger out on the child as if the child has made a mistake.
Discussions, especially those related to the child, should not be held in front of the child. Discussions about oneself may cause problems such as feelings of guilt, shame, inferiority complex and introversion in the child.
Finally; If spouses have complaints about each other and cannot resolve this situation among themselves, they should definitely get support from an expert. The personality development of children who grow up in fighting environments with violence, humiliation and insults is seriously damaged. Parents should think about their children's future and not allow wounds that are difficult to treat to open in their child's psychology.
Effects of Quarrels within the Family on the Child:
- Parents should not allow verbal abuse to each other. Or the child who sees the physical attack may hold himself/herself responsible for this situation and feel that his/her parents do not love him/her.
-The child who grows up in violent fights between spouses causes him/her to be afraid of them, alienated and his/her confidence decreases over time. Intense anger, especially during fights, is a frightening situation for children. When a child gets angry and sees his father or mother succumbing to his anger, he thinks that his parent, whom he described as a loving person until that day, has turned into something else, and he is afraid that the anger will be directed towards him. As a result of all this, the child's trust in his/her parents is shaken.
-Violence that comes with arguments at home in front of the child from time to time may cause the child to be prone to violence in the outside world.
-Spouses speak loudly to each other. Yelling increases the child's level of fear and anxiety.
-A child who cannot find peace at home may look for happiness elsewhere. It is likely that children who commit crimes, use alcohol, drugs and cigarettes grew up in an uneasy family environment.
-In the early childhood period, when personality develops, the child's mother and Witnessing his father fighting paves the way for many emotional and behavioral problems in the child. Disagreements between parents will remain as bad memories in the child's ability to love people and life and adapt to social life. The emergence of many psychosocial disorders in people may be due to such unpleasant memories experienced in childhood. For example; Growing up in an uneasy family environment is responsible for many psychological disorders such as reluctance towards life, developing hostile feelings towards people, taking pleasure in torturing animals, lying, stealing, acquiring various tics, lack of self-confidence, and shyness. The school success of the growing child will also be low. He cannot listen or concentrate on lessons that require particular attention. When parents complain about their children's academic success, they should first question themselves. In addition, the child, who is affected by the tense family environment at home, may act aggressively towards his friends at school, isolate himself from them, and remain lonely.
-The depressive moods of the parents are reflected in their children, and children have depressive symptoms such as intense sadness, unhappiness, and not being able to enjoy anything.
What Should Parents Pay Attention to?
-First of all, if husband-wife fights cannot be prevented, this situation should definitely not be reflected on the child. Parents should avoid arguments in front of the child.
-If the child has witnessed an argument at home, parents should take care to resolve the argument. Resolving the argument between parents reduces the emotional and behavioral impact of the fight on the child. Resolving the problems between their parents causes children to feel that this conflict is constructive, and the child's reaction changes accordingly. Constructive discussions that lead to resolution are important for both parents and children. Although it is not always possible to find a solution in front of the child, children will benefit from the explanation on this issue. However, it is very important that the statements made are consistent with the words and actions. The message the child receives from his parents' conversations and the message he receives from his movements and tone of voice. It should not be related.
-The child should not be given the task of "referee" during the fight process. Mother and father should not tell the child their complaints about each other, should not criticize each other to the child, should not put pressure on the child to take sides.
- Parents should not reflect their anger on the child during an argument, and should not take their anger out on the child as if the child had made a mistake.
-Discussions, especially those related to the child, should not be held in front of the child. Discussions about oneself may cause problems such as guilt, shame, inferiority complex, and introversion in the child.
In summary; If spouses have complaints about each other and cannot resolve this situation among themselves, they should definitely get support from an expert. The personality development of children who grow up in fighting environments with violence, humiliation and insults is seriously damaged. Parents should think about their children's future and not allow wounds that are difficult to treat to open in their child's psychology.
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