Which parent wants their child to be bad?
I seem to hear many of you say that no parent wants their child to be bad.
In our culture, a mother doesn't eat it, a father dresses it as soon as he wears it. She cuts herself off and gives it to her child. If he couldn't be himself, he keeps trying to make his child the best.
While this is the case, why do many people carry the traces of childhood traumas for almost a lifetime?
Who are these traumatized parents, shall we?
p>And what are these parents saying to their children?
Read the sentences you are about to read as if they were being said to you.
And read everything that was said without questioning as if it were 100% true. Because that's exactly what kids do.
She's chunky just like her mother's side.
Mashallah you're like a big boy.
His father is also very brave, but for whom he is afraid of everything.
He took all his bad habits from you.
You couldn't do a job properly.
I'd be surprised if you brought it without spilling it.
Ours is a little confused, what's up? If you throw it away, it won't be sold.
Understand something right away.
What does our people know from that, ohooo when I was your age.
What are you talking about?
What kind of behavior does she look like at all?
I've never seen anything like this with any child.
Why are you acting so strangely?
So what? Now, imagine hearing the sentences you read above and many more from your parents many times during the day.
As a child, we accept almost everything our parents say as true without any logic. We think that whatever our parents say about us is completely true.
Children are natural, if we judge their actions, they cannot behave like themselves when they become adults. Because once he acted like himself, even his closest people did not accept him, it was strange. That's why in adulthood they always start to be controlled, shy and shy.
Let's look at the words that maybe have no reality but are said with instant anger and anger?
If I gave birth to a stone instead of giving birth to you
Shame on my efforts
I wish I had never given birth
These sentences come out at an emotional moment� Even if it is out of your mind, its effect on the child is strong and toxic. The child who is blamed for his existence in the world will tend to feel guilty in his relationships when he becomes an adult.
I work for you, I try hard.
You make me very sad, one day I will get sick then what will you do?
How would you feel in this house without me?
You make me tired a lot.
If it weren't for you, we wouldn't be thinking about it.
All these sentences are for the child. it feels like a burden. In order to take the burden of their parents, they become adults who do not tell their problems, do not open their feelings, are extremely self-sacrificing and savior. You know such children, they try not to upset their parents, they mature early, and it is difficult for us to notice the wound in the soul of these children because mature children are accepted children in our society.
There are also comparisons.
Why you too? Can't you be like your sister? The answer is simple because I am not my sister. And why do you expect me to pretend that I am not?
As a result of this comparison, which damages self-confidence, feelings of jealousy and anger arise between siblings. The liked child enters into an alliance with the parents while increasing his behaviors to become a better child in order to benefit the parents. He starts behaving like a little mother or father, not like a brother, and by establishing dominance over his brother, he meets his need to be loved and approved. The other child, feeling that whatever he does is not enough, gives up believing in himself and continues to do justice to the role that has been given to him. This situation, which leads to the damage of fraternal ties, is manifested by feelings of jealousy, superiority, and inadequacy in adult relationships as well.
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