We have been married for 14 years, we have a 10-year-old daughter and a 4-year-old son. Until we had children, my wife was more interested in me and the house. We had no sexual problems. We were thinking, "Let's get this over with and go home as soon as possible." We almost died of excitement the day we found out that I was pregnant, but when our son was born, his mother and father started coming to our house very often, my wife lost her temper. After a while, my work took longer, he started not coming home with the excuse of having a meeting, he started to get angry easily over small things, and he started to fight with me for no reason. At first, I couldn't get over it due to insomnia and children, but later I started to get over it and even ignore it. The more I concentrated on the child, the more his anger increased.
I noticed that he was absent-minded and unhappy from time to time, but I never thought that it would get this bad, that my wife would fall into depression and withdraw so much that she would isolate herself from us, from work, from her friends. We cannot manage to talk, the children miss their father, they want to play games, go to the cinema, the park. I am in shock and deep loneliness after losing the man I fell in love with and married. I'm confused about what to do, what happened to us, doctor?
BOTTOM OF THE ICEBERG " ABANDONMENT DEPRESSION "
As in this example, married life is actually a reflection of the psychological return to the family we came to with our birth. If one or both of the couples were emotionally neglected in the family they grew up in, lost their trust in their parents, could not receive unconditional love from them, or were even abandoned by their parents, years later, all these experiences cause the clients to 'REFLECT' their feelings of anger INSIDE OR OUTSIDE. .
When I started taking individual histories in the early stages of couples therapy; Mr. Ahmet was the only son of a family of 4 children, that his father got into a fight in his commercial life due to a debt-paying case when he was 2 years old, and later he was imprisoned for about 7 years. During this period, his mother had difficulty in taking care of the children alone, so she took Ahmet to his aunt who lived in another city. that he felt like a burden and a useless refugee next to his aunt, whose financial situation was already bad, and that his father was released from prison. I learn that after coming out, she returned to her family at the age of 9.
Although her aunt acted as her second mother during this period between the ages of 2 and 9, as she came to her senses; I learn that he frequently asks himself the question "Why did my mother leave me and not my siblings?" and that he grows day by day in the pain of being abandoned by both his mother and father.
After his father returned, the family started to live together, their financial situation improved, and their financial situation improved. They lived in a good house and drove better cars. He even attended middle school and high school in a private college, but on the one hand, he felt sorry for his grumpy, angry, constantly shouting father and his abusive mother, who almost never responded to him, and on the other hand, he felt secretly angry for abandoning him.
Mr. Ahmet. Years later, he had a very successful school life and became an architect. He said that he worked hard not to be dependent on anyone and that he saved a large amount of money in the bank, saying, "If anything happens to me, my children will be comfortable."
THE STAGE IS RESET TO REPAIR THE PAST
On the one hand, while Mr. Ahmet is trying to realize how the fear and depression caused by the abandonment he experienced in his childhood has now revived, on the other hand, he is unknowingly re-enacting the scenes of his childhood by putting himself in the place of his father and his wife in the place of his mother, and how afraid he is of being abandoned again. While trying to repair these feelings, I was trying to make him realize how things got even more deadlocked.
Finally, the couple started to make sense of what happened, Mr. Ahmet's wife realized how wrong it was to withdraw his attention and love from her, it was clear that they saw the bottom of the iceberg. They managed to solve their problems by communicating.
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