“It only happened once and it didn't mean anything,” the man said, and then added, “Is there anyone who hasn't done it? "At least I'm honest and I don't deny it." As you can see, these are the expressions of a gentleman who cheated on his wife during the session. We need to explain from the beginning that it is. Only if they know this difference can they become aware of their relationships, the feelings of their cheating spouses, and most importantly, themselves. So what's the difference?
Infidelity is very valuable, my teacher, Prof. Dr. In Mehmet Sungur's words, it means "choice". The moment a person starts to take a special interest in someone else, he/she has made his/her choice and decided on a new relationship with this new person. And accepting the possible consequences of this... Cheating is a set of all kinds of attitudes and behaviors that are inevitable as a result of this decision made.
The question "whether cheating starts in the brain or not", which is discussed in a cliché way, is thus clarified. The third person you bring into your life while you are with your spouse or partner destroys your existing relationship at the very first step and moves it from the "we" dimension to the "me" dimension. “It wasn't a big deal, it was temporary, I wouldn't do it again, etc.” We can say that their sentences are not actually very innocent.
So far, we have briefly touched upon the psychological dimension of deception, but I think this is not the main issue that needs to be discussed. What will you do when you learn that you have been deceived? This is the real question..
Everyone's ideal answer would be to get a divorce immediately. But in practice, this does not happen.. In the past, when such events took place, family elders stepped in, the man's ear was pulled, the woman was overwhelmed with advice, with pithy words that the female bird built the nest. "Let's get well soon" was said and the issue was closed. Nowadays the situation is developing a little differently. Many of the families are no longer aware of what is happening, and even if they do, they do not intervene as much as they used to. If the woman is cheated on and does not have the financial means, she does not divorce and follows a few different paths;
The first one is; (Never forgive - Never let him forget). She says she forgives the man, but she turns the lives of both parties into hell because of this feeling she cannot cope with. continuous water He talks abusively, fights, but does not divorce.
Secondly; (Don't Forgive - Try to Forget) She says that it is not easy to forgive the man, she offers to get psychological help and couples therapy comes into their lives. However, this time, usually after sessions that are not managed properly, his anger grows and the crisis becomes insurmountable. The couples I work with usually go to the wrong addresses for a few sessions, and we start the sessions like a bomb ready to explode. If you are not experienced in such difficult situations, you may encounter great negativities.
Thirdly; ( Don't Forgive - Take Revenge ) It silently charts a path without giving any indication as to whether the woman has forgiven the man or not. With great anger, she takes action to make her husband experience the same thing. It is the situation where revenge and betrayal exist side by side.
I have explained what kind of path women generally choose, now it is men's turn. Of course, it's not just women who are deceived. In fact, in our professional experience over the last 3-4 years, we have seen that women cheat at least as much as men. Although it seems very contrary to Turkish Society that women also betray, we see that this is a fact that we must accept.
There is a big difference between the sociological and spiritual reasons why men and women betray. Moreover, there is no. Regardless of their worldview or social class, both men and women can be unfaithful. This disease, which grows insidiously like cancer, needs to be considered in detail and expressed in more pages. The last thing I can say for now is; Whatever the reason, cheating is a choice, and in the end, both parties betray themselves, whether they want it or not.
Little Alexander says, “..Betrayal is a great skill; It requires responsibility… the day will come when all the prices will be paid…”
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