'Your brother can do it, why can't you?', 'Does the nation's child ever do it like you? He has all the good grades, why don't you?', 'Ahmet doesn't upset his parents at all.' and similar endless comparison sentences! Do these sentences sound familiar to you?
Do you, like many parents, sometimes unknowingly exhibit such erroneous behavior in order to encourage your child or ensure his/her success? In fact, most of the time these may come out of your mouth unintentionally. However, even if well-intentioned, being compared to someone else is not good for anyone. Especially for children, this not only does not encourage them to behave better, but also makes them feel worse. While you think you are working for your child's well-being, you unknowingly cause deep wounds in your child's soul and make him/her feel inadequate. You even create a feeling of anger in your child towards the person you are comparing him/her with. Maybe your child does not show these negative feelings to you and you think that comparison has a positive effect on your child and is on the way to becoming better.
But know that comparing children with other children has many negative consequences:
Compared with someone else, the child begins to feel inadequate and worthless.
Over time, his/her self-confidence and self-esteem decrease. He/she starts to feel negative emotions such as "I can't succeed and I can't do it all the time."
The child experiencing disability; Jealousy of friends, resentments and communication conflicts occur.
The child who is compared to others feels like they do not like their parents and do not understand me
The child's social relationships and academic success in the future begin to be affected.
The compared child may become unhappy and irritable over time; over time, he or she may become even more withdrawn and isolate himself from social life.
Compared children feel the need for constant approval and appreciation in their future social or academic lives.
So how will you feel when your child starts comparing you with other parents? If you want, let's see what you can do before getting to this point.
1. Every child is special:
Focus only on your own child's development, concentrate on your child's abilities and personal characteristics.
2. Avoid Exaggerations:
Try not to use exaggerated sentences such as 'You never…' or 'You always…'. Such sentences contain general judgments. It targets all of your child's behaviors in response to one behavior and causes the child to become upset.
3. Not you; Use Me Message:
Always the same excuse, you haven't done your homework again. ( You Language )
It's starting to worry me that you don't do your homework. (I Language)
How would you react when you heard these two sentences?
Yes, you language makes you feel guilty and the other person immediately defends himself.
I. language directs the other person to think. The decision is yours.
Accept your child as he is and be a good guide and allow his different talents to emerge.
Read: 0
