Cheating is like breaking the unwritten fidelity contract between spouses. Although anthropologists say that monogamy is a new concept and that this is partly where the problems stem from, marriage in the modern world means promising to be monogamous for life, and both men and women report that they prefer monogamy. However, confirming anthropologists, according to the report of the Institute of Behavioral Sciences, 22% of married men and 14% of married women cheat on their spouses at least once. The report included both physical and emotional cheating in cheating. While men are more prone to physical cheating, women are more likely to commit emotional cheating. According to experts, this is because men are more likely to express themselves physically rather than verbally, and their commitment decreases when they cannot achieve sexual satisfaction. On the other hand, for women, cheating occurs with the need to fill the emotional void. A woman who cannot feel that she is desired, loved or valued by her husband may be attracted to someone else who shows this interest in her, and this fling often becomes a step towards ending the marital relationship for the woman. I guess this shows how cheating can naturally occur in a society where it is not common for men to make emotional speeches or show their love indirectly. While this is the picture on the surface, when we dig a little deeper, experts say that infidelity and jealousy are most related to the following problems:
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Loss of love and excitement:
In this factor, which is also described as loss of excitement, people begin to question whether their partner is the right person or not, because after a certain point, they may begin to receive emotional attention and closeness from the other party that is lower than what they expected. According to experts, the so-called loss of love is an event that occurs even for the couples who seem to be the most in love, and it does not actually indicate such a bad situation. Studies show that couples lose their great passion, especially between 2-4 years after getting married, and cheating intensifies during this period because they believe that the absence of that old excitement means that something is over. he says. The gradual disappearance of the image we created about our partner - with his or her help - can give us the feeling that he or she is now a different person, as well as the illusion that the relationship will never be the same. For this very reason, we may feel like we have chosen the wrong person and turn to someone else for our emotional needs. According to relationship therapists, the period when the excitement disappears and it seems like they are falling into mediocrity is actually the period when people will be connected to each other with stronger bonds such as love, respect and peace. Our body is evolutionarily inclined to adapt and move into a stable state. Therefore, no matter how many partners we change, our destination is the same. In this regard, learning to know your partner as he is at the point when these feelings arise, to love him with his strengths and weaknesses, to grow together, to seek the excitement you lost with him will help your relationship to strengthen rather than weaken.
Studies also show that excitement, albeit for different reasons. It shows that we develop more loyalty to those we hear from or create something new with. A paragliding trip together, a trip that excites you, or even a model you build together will break the ordinariness in your relationship and strengthen your bonds.
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Sexual dissatisfaction:
According to family and couple therapists, one of the most common issues that couples complain about is sexual dissatisfaction. Contrary to popular belief, sexual satisfaction seems to be an important element of a good relationship, not only for men but also for women. Relationship and sexuality therapists point out the important impact of sexual intercourse between partners on commitment. This situation becomes more understandable when you consider that sexual intercourse provides both physical and emotional satisfaction. According to research, a satisfying sexual intercourse has anti-depressant properties in the body, that is, it relaxes the body and accelerates the release of serotonin, the happiness hormone. It also plays an important role in increasing harmony and integrity between partners. However, as in love, the excitement in sexual intercourse proceeds in its natural course - gradually decreasing if there is no intervention. that you love so much Imagine starting to eat one meal every day. What would it be like? No matter how much you love it, I think you'd start to get bored at some point if you ate it the same way. But if it was cooked differently each time and flavored with a different spice, you would be much less likely to get bored. Therefore, as in love, do not hesitate to try new things with your partner in your sexual relationship.
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Low Commitment:
Low commitment between spouses, It may depend on many factors other than the reasons above. The feeling of not being valued is one of them. It is hurtful for both partners to not notice the work they do at home or at work, whether they are tired or have personal needs. According to experts, the most important reason for this to occur is lack of communication. When partners try to convey their needs, expectations, or discomfort that arises as a result of not being met, through passive means such as blaming or becoming resentful, a mutual misunderstanding and alienation occurs. According to family and couple therapists, the most common problem experienced by couples is the inability to communicate effectively. It should be understandable for a woman who is tired of the demands of the house to not look beautiful all the time, but from her husband's perspective, it may seem very easy for a woman who is always at home and does not have a fixed job to look beautiful. On the other hand, it should be understandable that a partner who has been traveling all day for work and is very tired cannot pay enough attention to his partner in the evening. But when left unspoken, these will accumulate deep down and emerge as passive-aggressive behaviors, one of which is infidelity.
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Efforts to Protect Self-Worth:
In parallel with the previous title, it is a common situation that partners tend to turn to others who increase their value in cases where they do not see value in their own relationships and feel inadequate.
Men tend to cheat after pregnancy. This is where the widespread belief comes from. In this period when mothers also experience emotional turmoil and all their physical and emotional attention is directed to the baby, This situation may occur in men who feel that they are not knitted. Experts recommend that families divide the labor during this period and take care of the child's responsibilities and needs as equally as possible.
On the other hand, especially in men but also in women, the need to feel beautiful/handsome in a period that experts describe as the midlife crisis, There is a tendency towards younger men and women. In this period, defined by Erik Erikson with the need to produce, people expect to receive praise from others in order to protect their self-worth. The person does not necessarily have to fail, they may be successful in other areas, but the need to see that they are still as attractive as before may reveal these tendencies.
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Environmental Factors:
In addition to these, environmental factors, also known as secondary reasons, are important reasons for putting the tendency to cheat into action. The Internet emerges as one of the most important tools in this sense; It is the most important aid in both access to pornography and emotional deception. In addition, being away from home periodically due to work and the low probability of being caught also feed this tendency.
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