Single parent family; These are families in which the mother or father is solely responsible for all kinds of care of the child or children. Sometimes families can become single-parent due to death, abandonment, pregnancy out of wedlock, one of the parents being in prison, being away for a long time due to military duty or work, or adoption.
For whatever reason. Nowadays, single-parent families are increasing day by day. By the late 1950s, the percentage of single-parent families resulting from divorce began to exceed the percentage of single-parent families resulting from death. Today's statistics in the world and in our country show that divorces are increasing.
Whatever the reason, divorce does not mean the end of "family" life, although it causes some significant changes in family patterns. The family is no longer single-core, but two-core. The mental health of both “cores,” especially, has an important role in all dynamics. Especially in terms of the healthy development of children... Namely; The sooner both the parent the child stays with and the other parent he/she hosts from time to time cope with the devastating effects of divorce and adapt to life will have positive, safe, healthy and developmental effects on the child/children. Even if couples make the decision "willingly", divorce is a difficult turning point for all individuals in the life cycle. Determining a new social position, perhaps preparing a new living space, economic planning, social relations, mandatory decisions to be made regarding children, evaluation of education options, etc. Dozens of factors need to be considered and put in order.
Another important "conflict" area for couples who decide to divorce is explaining the decision to their children and extended families. If possible, this explanation should be made together by the couple who made the decision. Without blaming each other, they should explain that they cannot get along anymore, that they are starting to upset each other too much, that it is no longer possible for them to live together, and that this situation is not anyone's fault. The important point is that; Especially in explanations to children, it should be emphasized that what is over is the roles of spouses, not the roles of parenting.
Divorce. The "mourning of loss of integrity" that couples are expected to experience after marriage varies from person to person, according to their social support systems and coping/problem-solving abilities and strategies with the difficulties that may arise, but it varies from six months to three years. Since prolonging the mourning period will negatively affect the psychological health of the individual, psychological help should be sought without too much delay. It should not be forgotten that it is the responsibility of "adult" parents to protect and improve the physical, mental and social health of their children during marriage.
Separated couples should not make promises to children that they cannot keep. They must make a high level of effort to keep their promises. In particular, the child should be clear about the days and times he will meet with his host parent, and an explanation should be made to the child for any disruptions that occur in necessary situations. The child's sense of trust should not be damaged.
Divorced couples should stay in communication as adults instead of using the child in the messages they send to each other. Otherwise, it will be a heavy burden on the child's shoulders, and a tendency to blame himself/herself for what happened may develop.
In important decisions regarding children, it is healthy to seek each other's opinions and try to make joint decisions.
What justification can be given to the child? No matter what, "lies" should not be told. Their questions should be answered in short, clear and correct sentences that are appropriate for their age and that they can understand. In situations that require an answer beyond your age, “I find it appropriate to talk about this issue with you when you are a little older. An explanation can be made as follows. Not lying means never telling the child everything that happened. Transferring all the events that have happened to the child can damage the child's basic sense of trust and may also damage the patterns in his/her individual relationships.
"Taking pity" on the child is one of the important mistakes. For this reason, doing whatever he wants out of pity for his fate and creating an empty and swollen self with unnecessary cheering are among the important harms caused. The child's routine life and responsibilities should be continued. Especially in the home of the host parent, the "festive atmosphere" can harm the child's balanced emotional state.
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