I have been doing couples therapy for a long time, and my couple clients usually come to me at the stage of divorce. While some people's expectation from the couple therapy process is to be able to recover the relationship without divorce, some people expect to have an agreed separation without ruining the relationship, and some just want to vent their anger and resentment and have it confirmed by a third eye - in this case, this third eye is the therapist - that they are right. In unmarried couples, both people usually come to therapy to prove that they are right. And while one of the two most basic dynamics is stubbornness and never accepting what the other person says or feels, the other is the dominant desire to change each other.
If relationships were ranked, they would most likely help us find meaning in life and find ourselves. It stands out from the crowd of facts such as health, profession, money, etc. They are so important to us that we can even give up ourselves for the relationships we want to continue to have. Fundamentally, one of the biggest mistakes made is forgetting oneself and giving up oneself in order to maintain the existence of the relationship. But whether he realizes it or not, if a person gives himself up for a relationship, he will undoubtedly not do this without changing his partner as well. What is this, constantly "educating" the partner, "trying to change" him so that everything is as we want, his ego. So much so that we see many examples, from saying "good morning" to your lover when he wakes up in the morning, to interfering with his way of speaking in public. In fact, everything we see in our partner that we don't like and that we try to change is "us". Are you complaining that your lover or spouse is an angry person? Look at yourself, how much anger you suppress and how much you express it. Do you think that your partner is a liar, or do you always turn to people who cheat on you? Be sure that there is a part of you that you do not allow, that sometimes he wants to lie or maybe cheat, but you suppress these aspects of yourself so much that he does not allow it. You don't love yourself so much that you attract people with exactly these characteristics into your life. Then you try to change it but it doesn't work It is yourself that you are trying to change.
Stubbornness arises from this rejection. One of the partners is trying to change the other, and the other insists that he will not change, because he wants to be accepted as he is.
Whatever feature you do not like in your partner and want to change, look back at yourself, look for all those features yourself, and It brings you closer to your partner and more importantly, to yourself. Sometimes it can be very difficult to do this alone, in this case, getting adult therapy or couple therapy will both grow you and your relationship...
Otherwise, it will become very difficult to manage relationships, even if you continue to do so, you will not be able to help the relationship and yourself. You may miss the authenticity and sincerity towards. Recognizing it before it reaches this point, getting support, getting back to yourself a little, can help smooth the process before it goes down a road of no return.
Read: 0
