When you hear about the success some people have had and the opportunities they have had, you may wonder, "Why him and not me?" What am I missing? sentences may start floating around in your mind like a nightmare. These slowly wandering thoughts may later take over your mind. The explanation for its success no longer depends strictly on the person in question! It is about luck, opportunities, opportunities, maternal uncles. A balanced relationship may become asymmetrical when success comes. You may start to secretly think that your interlocutor is one or a few steps ahead of you. He is now “superior” to you. Because of this perspective, it becomes impossible for existing success to give pleasant feelings. The way your critical voice constantly compares yourself to others is painful. There is even self-pity and self-blame. Your critical voice and the feeling that comes with the influence of your critical voice is neither appreciation nor envy. It is the state of wanting someone else's success and the results of their success to disappear, where jealousy is more intense. Envy poses a problem in two ways.
Color blindness and empathyi
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If the success of others is painful, you may naturally say, “I don't want to see the success of others.” This is a naive way of "protecting yourself from pain". Protecting yourself “only” in this way can later lead to vision loss where you “no longer see/can see the achievements of others”. A person who does not know that he is color blind thinks that others see the world the same way he does. And when others say they're "happy" with your accomplishments, you can't believe their words of appreciation. Therefore, you will not be able to be "happy" with the success of others and you will not be able to enjoy the "kind words" that come to you. If a person “realizes” that they are colorblind, they can understand that others see the world differently. And may even have an idea about how they see.
“You have a heart; remember that.”
It is easy to admit even to yourself that you are jealous of the success of others. It's pretty hard. Like all emotions, jealousy is a human emotion. It can sometimes be difficult to see and accept your human side. In the words of the elegant poet Cahit Zarifoğlu, “You have a heart; remember it.” When you encounter emotions that do not suit you, it will be useful to remember your “human” side and remember that your emotions are “human”.
Thank you.
You will be in a vicious circle where you cannot be "happy" with the success of others and cannot experience the pleasure of the "kind words" that come to you. We are talking about a process that affects and triggers each other. The first steps that can be taken are to allow compliments and to say "thank you" for these nice words and to offer your congratulations on the success of others. Maybe it's the things you've already said. What might be stopping you from being “happy” even though you say you are? Your critical inner voice may continue to speak, sometimes loudly and sometimes in whispers.
I'm not talking about silencing your critical inner voice, but an antidote when your critical inner voice starts speaking. It will also be useful to thank yourself and offer congratulations. Although saying "You are the best" out loud to suppress your critical inner voice may seem to work for the moment, in the long run, in case of a possible setback or when you see the success of others, you may think, "Well, I was the best?" This means that you will encounter the inference of "I'm not good", which will obviously have deeper negative effects.
What is my gut telling me?
“Why him and not me? What am I missing? Negative answers you believe about yourself (I am inadequate, unlucky, unsuccessful, etc.) may lie behind your questions. First, identifying these negative and dysfunctional beliefs will be the starting point for solving them.
I'm not talking about silencing the critical inner voice. I'm talking about discovering, getting to know and learning. These steps open the door to the opportunity to intervene with your critical voice. I hope you can listen to yourself with compassion...
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