Even though we are separated, we are together…
One gets married happily and out of love. A little time passes and they get divorced with hatred. I don't know if they get tired of each other quickly or if spouses misrepresent themselves.
Spanish thinker Miguel de Unamuno has a quote that I like very much: "Love is the daughter of deception; "Disappointment is the mother of disappointment." So what happens when love ends? When we take the love away from the relationship, what is left? One you, one me, and the baby...
As you know, the number of couples who part ways due to disagreements is increasing day by day. Unfortunately, the most affected party in divorces are children. Regardless of the extent of unhappiness experienced, spouses can divorce each other, but divorce from children is out of the question.
The age group most affected by the divorce process is the 3-6 age group. Children at this age think that they are entirely the cause of the divorce. The child inevitably gets the thought, "My mother and father are divorcing because I am not well-behaved." Children in the 7-12 age group blame the parents for the divorce. If we go to older ages, the 13-18 age group has a very difficult time getting through this process. A child in adolescence may develop reactive behaviors such as starting to use drugs, harming himself or his friends, swearing, and entering bad environments. Symptoms such as inability to focus on lessons, impaired concentration, reluctance to study, restlessness, aggressive behavior, bedwetting, stuttering, and incompatibility may also be observed.
When the child hears about the divorce, he immediately begins to ask questions such as "who will I live with, what will happen to me?" starts. In this sense, it is a very important process for parents to answer the questions in the child's mind. It is necessary to put the child in the role of an adult and explain what is happening to him in a language he can understand. However, accepting that he may not react like a great person in return and being patient and understanding is an important element to pay attention to. He said to the child, “We decided to break up because of our problems among ourselves. If we continue our married life, you will suffer more damage. The best thing to do in this process is to break up. We will live in separate houses, but this will never affect each other. bsp; just because we won't see you doesn't mean we will cut off communication. Periodically, your mother and I (or your father) will meet and spend time. Approaching with feelings such as "We will always love you" will help him overcome his worries and fears.
It should never be forgotten that parents should keep the child away from the problems between themselves and should not reflect on the child the problems that they cannot handle. Cooperation with the ex-spouse must be ensured for the sake of the child. While sometimes divorce is the best solution for the child, sometimes new fears may arise in the child after the divorce. In order for the divorce process to be healthy for the child, the expression of negative emotions towards the ex-spouse must be controlled. In addition, a calm and orderly lifestyle should be adopted and cooperation with the ex-spouse regarding discipline should be ensured. It is necessary to talk a lot with the child, give the child light responsibilities, plan age-appropriate activities, take care of homework or school, and maintain communication with the child outside of visits. Undoubtedly, a child completes his physical and psychological development in the best way within his family. A child is a being that needs the attention, love and affection of both mother and father. One of the primary conditions for a child to be spiritually and mentally healthy is, of course, that his/her personality is shaped by an ideal family. However, unfortunately, we come across destroyed families quite often nowadays. It is a fact that children bear the brunt of divorce. Spouses should take care to meet the child's psychological needs. Even if the parents separate, they should not resign from motherhood and fatherhood.
Nowadays, after divorce, it is very common for mothers and fathers to enter into a competitive race regarding the child. Some parents give wrong messages to the child in order to attract them to their side. There may even be those who say "Your mother/father does not love you anyway" and blame the other party. These words cause wounds of unpredictable proportions in the child's spiritual world. This is a very wrong and very hurtful attitude for the child. Even if the spouses separate, trying to separate the child from his mother or father Using the child to take revenge on the spouse is one of the mistakes that should never be made in terms of the child's mental health. Divorced spouses should try to remain friends no matter what happened between them. There may be many problems that may arise for the child throughout his life. Sometimes parents need to find solutions to these problems by consulting each other, make joint decisions and implement them. Like any other colleague, he can at least be contacted by phone. Some families that are broken up can sometimes come together and act like friends for their children. Achieving this will help the child get through this period without getting injured.
The love, compassion and feeling of security that can be given to children is a gift that cannot be measured by anything.
It is a fact that after every separation, the fragmented family is more or less negatively affected by this situation. Although it is best to end marriages that are not healthy, the whole point is for the separated parents to create healthy environments for themselves to live with their children. Mutual understanding and tolerance will pave the way for easier resolution of problems, even if there are differences. This is where the saying "Even if we are separated, we are together" is very important. As long as there is a child, remember that you are still a lover in your child's eyes.
As Attilla İlhan said in one of his poems, "Because separation is also about love, because those who are separated are still lovers"...
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