It is important for all of us that our thoughts and behaviors are approved by our environment. However, it is more important that we ourselves approve of this thought and behavior. If we believe in certain ideas or act in certain ways just for the approval of the people around us, even though we do not approve of them, then alarm bells are ringing for us. He is a valuable psychologist who has strived to improve himself professionally, socially, and most importantly, as a human being. Although his areas of interest and skills cover a wide range, he especially focuses on sexual treatments, depression and anxiety disorders. I have always received satisfactory feedback from the clients I have referred to him. After many years, he felt the need to work independently from me and started his own therapy practices.
As individuals living in society, the opinions of others are important to us. We want the actions we take to be approved by other people around us. We observe examples of this in most people's daily lives. We expect others to accept the way we speak, the clothes we wear, our life views, the work we do, our friends, in short, our stance in life and the decisions we make. These expectations differ from person to person. While for some individuals this is of little importance or is limited to some issues, for some individuals it is valid and very important in most areas of their lives. Excessiveness of this desire can have negative effects on our choices and self-worth, and can also lead to some psychological disorders. The boundary between these two approaches is very important. Although the opinions of others are taken into account, beliefs about one's own personality and competence are not negatively affected. However, in the other case, when the individual receives the slightest criticism or feels disliked, he or she may experience major collapses, unhappiness, and self-image may be injured.
Individuals who are addicted to approval often experience problems in most areas of their lives. They work harder than necessary to be very good. They wait for other individuals to give them permission to decide what to do. Their need to be valued depends on others. As a result, problem-solving skills are not developed. They avoid arguing when there is a disagreement of opinion. They carefully watch others around them, guess what they might want, and act accordingly. They have problems expressing their thoughts and feelings to others. They take responsibility for others in many areas and think that they can be loved more. They have no self-confidence. They may ignore some facts in order not to offend others. They are so afraid of being rejected, ignored and approved that they do not express their own wishes, needs and rights.
The approaches of other people important to the individual in the early development periods play a major role in the source of approval addiction. For example, a child with a critical parent may be uneasy even if he/she does not act wrongly, and may not be able to relax until he/she receives approval. In particular, these criticisms are less about behavior and more about “you are bad, you are naughty, or you are incompetent.” If it is directed at the personality, it causes deeper wounds. These can remain constant in the individual as blind spots and are fed by other experiences they have over time. Similarly, lack of positive feedback at a young age, experiences of rejection and ignoring, and not using positive reinforcers for some positive behaviors are factors that predispose to approval addiction.
A number of ways can be followed to overcome approval addiction.
Determining the benefits and harms of approval addiction for the individual is the first step to overcome this style of behavior. The advantages and disadvantages of this addiction should be listed, so that motivation for change is provided.
The thoughts and underlying assumptions that trigger this addiction can be identified and rewritten. For example, a person may make an assumption such as, “Yes, disapproval may be uncomfortable, but it does not mean that I am worthless.”
Fear of disapproval. An article could be written about why it is unnecessary to live with. This article should contain ideas that are truly convincing to the person. The individual must truly believe this and be able to add new ideas to his ideas day by day. Then the individual can read them every morning. When experiencing a fear of disapproval, the individual can identify the thoughts that accompany it, note them down, and then search for evidence that supports and does not support these thoughts. For example, thoughts may come to an individual's mind such as: Person And evidence can be found for these thoughts. However, it is important to record them in writing.
Behaviors that are related to approval addiction and are always shown in the same way can be learned to behave differently. Some assertiveness skills can come in handy here. When fears of disapproval begin to be felt, a person can directly ask the other person. Often the fact that the other person's views do not include rejection can be tested.
Even if the individual experiences rejection, which he sees as the worst outcome, he can work on how to cope with it. For example, rather than seeing the rejection as his own fault, he may investigate whether the rejection is related to the other person.
Read: 0
