Beril was 5 years old and was very nervous when she started her kindergarten. On the first day of school, she did not want to leave her mother and was looking around in fear. His mother told him many times before he started school;
"The school you are going to is a very cute and beautiful place. You will have a lot of friends there. You will play a lot of games. Every morning you I'll quit, if you don't cause any trouble and don't cry, I'll buy you the toy you want."
Even though Beril didn't want to go to school, she was relieved to hear that her mother would drop her off every morning. . After all, his mother would be with him every morning and protect him.
However, on the first day of school, he forgot everything, and the fear that his mother would leave him was all over him. She held her mother's arms tightly, not wanting to let go. Her mother was angry with Beril for this behavior and kept telling her that she would not buy the toy she wanted because she acted like this.
Later, when they entered the classroom with all the children, the toys she saw had caught his attention. Taking this as an opportunity, her mother left the school saying she had to go to work now.
The teacher was playing games with the children and allowing them to have a pleasant time with various activities. Beril, who started to like this environment, was startled and scared when another child took the toy in his hand with anger. She started crying. Since he had not encountered such a situation before, this unusual behavior of the child caused Beril to be afraid. However, her mother had said that she would have a very pleasant and good time at school, and she had never mentioned that such things would happen. But his first experience at school wasn't like that at all. According to Beril, his mother had deceived him and left him here alone. She was thinking of asking her about it in the evening when her mother came to pick her up. However, his mother had come to pick him up after school, as he had promised. Since she did not listen to her word, her mother wanted Beril to sleep early and gave her the toy she wanted. He said he wouldn't take it either. Beryl was very surprised by this situation. Not only did his mother not pick him up from school as promised, but also deceived him by saying that the school was a beautiful place, and punished him by not asking why he was crying, not seeing his emotion, and asking him to sleep early.
Beril has learned a lot today.
How is the child thinks?
The way you communicate is an important criterion that determines the child's attitudes and behaviors. Insufficient explanations and incomplete information are directly reflected in behavior.
As it is told in the story, Beril's mother said that she would pick her daughter up after school every day, but as the opposite happened, it had a negative effect on the child's thinking system.
strong>How?
Beril is now saying, "My mother told me He did not come to pick me up despite his promise, and school is not such a good place, but my mother explained it very well,'' she thinks. As a result, Beril started to think that her mother was a "Liar".
This experience is a factor that paved the way for Beril to lie in her future life. Because children continue their existence through experiences. The child, who has this experience, starts to apply the learned behavior in his own life, even though he has a family that has talked about the importance of keeping his word and not lying. What is natural for the child is the behavior he learns.
What can you do?
• Always think realistically. Imagine someone told you that the place you will live in is beautiful and hassle-free. When you really start living there, you will inevitably be disappointed when you see that it is not like the place described at all. In fact, it will be difficult for you to trust that person's word again. Here are your children They want to hear the truth from you, not the sweet version of the things that await them.
• If someone says to you, 'Lying is wrong, but sometimes we can tell little lies. ', wouldn't you be confused too? Children do not know the concepts of small or big lies. Especially to parents who lie, it will be inevitable for that child to lie.
• You may not always be able to keep your promises. For example, you are very tired that day and you promised to play a game beforehand. But if you say, 'Not today, let's do it tomorrow, I'm too tired', you will have hit the ax on the stone. The child will see that you do not keep your word here and will think that you are not cared. Instead, say, 'I know I promised you today, but I'm too tired at work, so I'd like to play a game with you one evening when I feel better. If you say, 'I think you will understand me', he will describe the situation as delaying the word, not as a lie. Therefore, avoid using certainties when making a promise, and state that you are making a promise according to the terms.
• Pay attention to the sentences you will give the child about school.
• ' When children grow up, They have to learn things and for that they have to go to school. You've grown up now and it's time to learn new things. The school you go to is a little different from home. The games we play and the activities we do will be at school, and even more so. Also, there will be rules at school, just as there are rules at home. The dissimilar part is that our house is not that crowded. There will be lots of kids your age at school and you will be playing all the games with them. Also lots of toys. At school, you may be friends with some children and not with others. Sometimes you may love school, and sometimes you may not. Your job is to go to school and learn new things, just as our job is to make money.' d You can prevent your child from being prejudiced and afraid by changing your sentences according to the conditions and making negative words more selective. Prepare him for this process not when his school life starts, but by getting him used to it long before. Also, by associating the school with the home environment, you can make the child connect with the school and see the school closer to himself with this analogy.
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