The question I get asked the most in parent-teacher meetings these days is "How do we set rules for our children?" happened. Here, as parents, we first need to decide: Do we really want to set rules and are we determined to give our children the responsibility of these rules? Because families decide to set rules when they get bored and bored. When everything is going well, that is, when they are good and happy and cheerful, children do not disrupt the order. But if their own spiritual well-being is not good, the rules immediately come to mind. Homework must be done on time, you must go to bed on time, all meals must be finished, etc. rules emerge. Didn't these exist before? There are still these rules, but they can be flexible. He is a child, he may not be able to finish his homework on time, he may not like the food, I make him eat his food. While this is how the rules are viewed on good days, if parents are tired and stressed, children encounter the strictness of the rules. This encounter suddenly creates a shocking effect on the child. He starts to question what is happening, what has changed. What really changed and we parents remembered the rules too. So how do we set the rules then? As I said at the beginning, we must first know ourselves well as parents so that the rules do not change depending on our mood. Of course, the rules can be flexible, but they should not be variable. What do we expect from the child? These should be determined first. It is best to decide on these responsibilities by talking to the child, considering his age and what he can do. Starting from the age of two, every child has something to do at home, as long as we believe that he/she can do it, trust him and be the ideal model. Let's evaluate what he can do according to his age, without expecting him to do it like an adult. If we ask a two-year-old child to tidy his room, we must explain and show him clearly and concretely what he needs to do. A child who makes his bed wants this to be seen. Instead of seeing this and saying "how did you cover it? It wasn't symmetrical", saying "well done you, how beautiful it is" can ensure the continuation of this behavior. If we appreciate it to his face and start rearranging it behind his back, know that the child will never cover his bed again. Anyway, he/she will say that it is not liked and will be corrected again and will tend to procrastinate. What do the child do? He must know clearly what he needs to do. Explaining the decisions to be taken regarding it clearly will increase the applicability of the desired behaviors. It is also important to follow up after it is clearly explained and understood. Work that is not followed up is always a candidate for disruption. Setting rules gives the child the opportunity to see their freedom and limits. Children who always do whatever they want cannot learn rules and limits. An individual who does not know his own limits cannot know the limits of other people. A person who is used to always having his wishes done cannot learn what no means, nor can he learn to say no. If the child is stuck in the rules, he cannot realize the responsibilities of his actions. He infers that there must be someone directing my life. There are always people who make decisions and say do this. If these rules have just entered the child's life, the child tests the parents in order to return to the old ruleless life. Tests to see if they are stable. Want to see. It is necessary to model patience and determination for the child without falling into this trap. It would be good to give the child time to get used to this process. Modeling time and patience for him will be a step in learning limits. Individuals who know their limits will not have difficulty presenting this to both themselves and other individuals. While we offer patience and time to the child on this issue, we must also offer this ourselves as parents.
" I said... Doesn't mean he heard
He heard... Doesn't mean he understood correctly
He understood... Doesn't mean he agreed
He agreed... Doesn't mean he believed
He believed... Doesn't mean he applied,
He applied.. It doesn't mean it will continue.
I have a book recommendation that covers the subject of setting limits well.
The Name of the Book is "Don't Set Limits for Your Child" Author Robert J.Mackenzie.
This book provides parents with the following features:
To set clear, definite and effective boundaries
To put an end to conflict and power struggles
To cooperate to set rules to guide them
To provide children with problem-solving skills
Apply logical consequences to wrong behavior
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