Although I work hard, I take care of every need of my two children. I definitely help them with their schoolwork, homework and weekend courses, and I spend time with them every day. I play games for a few hours. I specifically told my wife that I wanted to deal with these myself. Unfortunately, we have been arguing frequently for a while now. I think you don't show me the respect I deserve. I was putting pressure on the children about their lessons. My goal is for them to have a better future. “Why should we accept average course success when we could be better? While trying to keep up with all this, I feel tired almost every day. It would be nice if the days were longer than twenty-four hours... Also, do I need to say that I go to the gym regularly, but this does not make me happy either. I feel constantly tense and under pressure. My shoulders and back hurt. I have trouble falling asleep at night. While I am having a hard time giving up, all I know is that there is a void inside me that cannot be filled...
If you are one of those who get tired of always wanting more, but cannot give up, this article tells a little about you. While making your life so difficult, one of the points that triggers you is the "high standards" scheme...
Our childhood does not have to be perfect in order to become adults who adapt well to life, but we see that positive effects emerge when it is "good enough". The answer to the question of what a child needs for his development actually lies in a number of universal needs that every human being needs to be met. A child first needs to feel safe, autonomy, self-esteem, self-expression, realistic boundaries and a sense of connection with others.
If these are met, the child's psychology progresses healthily. If it is missing; Early maladaptive schemas formed by the damaging effect of these unmet needs develop throughout life. These are our core beliefs about ourselves that are difficult to change. They are self-destructive patterns that begin in childhood and repeat throughout life. One of them is the "high standards" scheme...
The primary feeling this scheme makes you feel is pressure. While you want to achieve your goals, you cannot enjoy success every time you reach a goal, and you plan new goals. Therefore, the schema is tension and feeling along with the feeling of pressure. It also brings unrest. The things you do are what should happen for you, nothing more. You want to progress and do your best in almost every aspect of your life. At home, at work, in sports, among your friends, while doing your hobbies, you plan the next step and want more. When viewed from the eyes of others, it is a matter of curiosity how you are successful and even how you organize all these. You complain that you don't have enough time. Even if you are tired, you do not see it as a right to slow down and take on more responsibility. Individuals with high standards have a perfectionist nature. However, while looking for perfection, you miss the good that is available. What you do will neither satisfy you nor make you happy...
You believe that inner peace will come one day. Status, success or having everything in order is so important to you that you think you are wasting time if you don't act for this purpose. So, what could be the starting point of all the activities and plans made to be happy and peaceful not reaching their goal? If you were loved unconditionally by your parent, the basis for the formation of a schema of high standards was laid. So your parent may have only appreciated you when you were successful. As a result, you start to act with the rule of "I must be successful in order to be loved." We develop a number of coping strategies to deal with schemas. Overcompensation is one of them. One of the reasons for the formation of a high standards schema is your attempt to overcompensate for internally felt feelings of imperfection, social isolation, or failure. You develop high standards to get rid of the feeling of worthlessness. Consider what high standards cost you when tackling the scheme. Try to discover how you could enjoy life and be happy if these did not exist. Unfortunately, parents with high standards can pass this on to their children. Trying to be careful about this and teaching your children that you love them unconditionally will help you cope with high standards. No age is too late to learn and teach unconditional love…
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