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Imagine coming out of a failed job interview. You wanted the job very much, you were very well prepared for the interview, but when you left the interview you were met with the response "Sorry, you are not the person we are looking for" and you left the interview feeling sad and disappointed. While you were feeling sad, you started to question why it didn't happen, what you did wrong, and remember similar experiences you had in the past. It was always like this, no one would hire you, you couldn't even manage to get a job, you would never find a job, I wonder what you did wrong... When faced with an experience that makes us unhappy, the mind tries to get rid of the moment and the bad feelings, but this effort usually makes us feel worse. It also draws you into the problem. Repetitive negative thought patterns can affect the moment we live in, further lowering our mood and revealing feelings of anxiety and worry.
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We often focus on our flaws and weaknesses to understand why things do not go the way we want, and we try to control our experiences and feelings by assuming that if things do not change, we will encounter similar things in the future. . For this reason, the thoughts we engage in to find our way out of unhappiness can intensify and prolong the sad mood we are in.
Why Do We Get Stuck in a Struggle We Can't Win?
In order to solve a problem or quickly complete our daily tasks, our minds make predictions about the next steps. For example, we get up in the morning, wash our face, then brush our teeth, and then change our clothes, and we don't have to think much about it. We automatically plan our daily routines and take action quickly, we are in a kind of autopilot. Although spending our day on autopilot saves time, it can cause us to miss the present moment and cause our minds to fly between the past and the future. We are in doing mode rather than being in the moment. For example, while driving on the road, you missed the turn you needed to turn. Your mind goes back in time and “turns off from the previous turn.” “I should have gotten down!” he thinks, and then asks, "Which path should I take next?" He thinks and makes a plan for the next step. Then, he acts according to this plan, follows the path he designed and reaches the desired destination. Mission accomplished!
7 Key Features of Making Mode
1) It takes place in an automatic order.
2) A While you are busy with work, various ideas and thoughts circulate in your mind.
3) The mind goes back and forth between the past and the future.
4) The mind is busy with repetitive thoughts about the event that is not wanted to happen and is wanted to be avoided.
5) He wishes many things in his life to be different than they are and often focuses on the distance between where he is and where he wants to be.
6) He evaluates thoughts as if they were facts.
7) It is goal oriented. He strives to achieve the goal until he reaches the desired goal or until he feels too tired to continue. In the doing mode, a person can be quite critical and challenging towards himself in line with his expectations.
What can we do?
1) By learning to notice that we are in the doing mode and our repetitive thoughts, we can try to understand the content and source of these thoughts. .
2) When we experience sad, unhappy, or other unpleasant emotions, we can respond to the uncomfortable feelings expertly by switching to present-in-the-moment mode.
It is possible to get rid of all the problems caused by living in the doing mode by switching to another mind mode. We just need to learn how to kick our mind into gear.
So what could be an alternative instead of the doing mode?
Doing or Being?
Being mode, as well as doing mode, is the state of doing the actions we take consciously and deliberately, rather than living on autopilot in daily life. It means moving forward in our lives by feeling in the moment and making conscious choices, from preparing coffee to the exercises we do. The mode of existence is actually to be in life, to flow with it instead of being dragged in the current as life flows. Being in the moment is also perception It also brings freshness to our lives. It allows us to be aware of what is happening both within ourselves and around us and to feel more alive. In the mode of being, getting rid of the thoughts in our minds and experiencing what is happening through our body and senses increases the objectivity of our perceptions. We gain this impartiality by approaching all the experiences that we enjoy or disturb us during the day, with curiosity and interest, like a researcher, without judging or labeling them.
Even if you think your life is mostly in doing mode, don't worry! The good news is that coming to this awareness is actually your first step towards living a fuller life. If we identify which areas of our lives are dominated by the doing mode, we can switch to being mode and get away from the worries that are circulating in our minds.
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