One of the problems experienced by many families we meet is not being able to get the child to listen. However, mother or father can make each other listen to their words, and they can sweetly make grandparents, to whom they take care to be very respectful, listen, but when it comes to the little child, it seems that they are not successful in this regard. Over time, this issue leads them to both distress and various concerns. Because only his wishes are valid in the house. The mother and father talk about the child's various problems, and it is said that no matter what they do in search of solutions, they cannot get anyone to listen. Moreover, it seems that they cannot help but say one thing: "The real mistake is ours, we are also very wrong, but what can we do?" Is it possible not to agree with what he says? Yes, what is said is true. Because even though we know what to do and arrange our reactions accordingly when making those around us listen to our words, we cannot do this when it comes to our child. Starting before the baby is born, we listen or watch the warnings coming from the environment. We look at the child in a parent's arms or holding his hand with admiration. However, no matter how much we envy, it is certain that the child we generally admire very much may also experience various problems.
For example; Such as not eating, not getting along well with others, expecting things that are their own responsibilities from others, resorting to various methods to get what they want, undesirable behaviors created to attract attention, etc. So, does the child invent all these undesirable things spontaneously? Never! Every child opens his eyes to the nuclear family environment and takes his parents and later those around him as an example. It is undeniable that children are born with great purity. This naivety is because he doesn't know anything. The strongest factor that will teach him everything is his parents, but in the learning process, only one thing blocks all the truth; Our emotionality... Even though the baby is now able to do some things, we immediately jump in and try to do it ourselves, as a prisoner of our emotionality. Because we can't think about the fact that he is growing up and what he needs to do and when. For us it is always is a baby. We continue to give him food by crushing it, just like we did when he was a baby, so that he doesn't get upset or stressed. We reduce home visits because the child in the house we visit upsets him. When he wants something, in order to get it, especially if he cries, our world collapses, and we do things that are not necessary to prevent him from crying. Because he commands, and we fulfill. We may not be able to do all of these, but isn't even the way we address her "baby"? For some reason, we call him “baby” even though he never actually accepts being a baby when asked. What can we do to get what we want or to be successful in this regard, what can we think about this?
The warnings of both child specialists and us pedagogues and psychologists guide parents. For example; When it is stated that it is necessary to gradually switch to solid foods in baby nutrition when the time comes, some families do not pay attention to these, and due to the emotionality of the parents and the influence of other experienced adults at home, they do not feed the child anything other than rough and only what he wants, and warnings are made about not buying new ones frequently when there are plenty of toys at home. We further reinforce the child's dominance in the home when the opposite of what is advised is not to be violated by the other parent's warnings to the child is implemented. In such cases, when the child becomes stuck in a dilemma and establishes a clear pattern, there is no other way to do anything other than getting help from the expert again. When some of the expert's advice is not followed because it suits us, the little one becomes the only person who has a say in the house. So, what should be done in the house?
Starting from infancy, perhaps the only thing children want is the desire to attract attention. The child gradually tries various ways to make this desire come true. There comes a time when there is not much that the child wants but cannot do. We are confused about what to do in the face of this creation called the problem child, which we created. However, before this situation emerged; The child must accept that there are limits to wishes and that while some can be done, some can never be done. es should be provided. If, in order to get what he wants, he cries, throws himself on the ground, shouts, even resorts to hitting, spits or speaks bad words, threatens us by repeating his undesirable behavior, the thing to do is to ensure that he is left alone with the action he is trying to demonstrate. While doing this, we should continue what we are doing at that moment and never pay attention to it.
Children generally enjoy doing things that we want to prevent. So “don't!” They do as they say. And although they are small, they always find ways to infuriate us, and in the end they succeed. They must accept that only we should be the ones to decide whether or not something they want will be taken away. However, the decisions we make on this issue must be final, and the decision made must never be reversed. Even though the child may try to use his own methods to find ways to achieve after a while after he gets used to our attitude, we must show our firm attitude towards him and continue what we are trying to do to break his desire to attract attention. Now here you will say; Doesn't the child feel that he is not loved?
Children need to be loved very much. The only way to love them may be other than holding them and kissing them. A smiling look in our eyes, a word of appreciation for something he has done or achieved, words of encouragement to help him succeed in a task he has started to do, a gift given on the condition that it is not too frequent, holding his hand and taking him shopping or for a walk, and finally, both the mother and When the father meets him for the first time at home (after work or when the child returns from kindergarten), the first thing he does is to play with his toys together, which will be enough to meet the child's need for love. In this case, he will experience the happiness of sharing things with those around him without his selfishness, that is, domination of the house, coming to the fore. And he will feel the relief of getting rid of the idea that "I will definitely get what I want". The home, on the other hand, will be child-centered and will attain the comfort of equal sharing.
Children are not like us; My emotionality, to the extent necessary They can mature in environments where anger will not prevail, where they will take our very determined behavior as an example, embrace disciplinary boundaries, assume responsibilities, and respect the other person's ideas. Is it possible to talk about a troublesome situation in the environment of a child raised like this? When we follow the rules of upbringing, the child will be raised very well.
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