Most of the time, we see children crying and stomping in the chocolate aisle of the market or in front of the toy store, and parents who are worried that the surroundings are disturbed by this situation and say, "Okay, shut up, I'll buy whatever you want." Even though he has a toy at home that is very similar to the one he wants, he begs you to take it away, cries, kicks, and even starts to harm himself or his surroundings.
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Children constantly want something.
We now more frequently encounter children who constantly want and want things at every age, from infancy to adolescence. Even though almost all of their wishes are met, they want more. There is no end to the wanting and after a while the parents start to say, "This child has become so insatiable."
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Are children insatiable?
Yes, children are insatiable. However, the most important factor in his constant demand and insatiability is that no limits are set, and even if they are set, they cannot be implemented effectively.
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What is setting limits?
The limit shows what the child can and cannot do, what is appropriate behavior, and what is expected from him/her. It helps the child find direction, feel safe, and gain internal discipline. The safest place where boundaries are learned, just like rules, is family. No child likes to have limits set for them, they always object, whine, and constantly push the limits. While on the one hand they behave this way, on the other hand they want to know what the rules are and what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. When they know this, they feel comfortable and safe. Setting limits is often thought of as restricting the child's freedom and depriving him of his wishes. However, by setting limits, the child is shown whether his current behavior is acceptable or unacceptable.
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What should we pay attention to when setting limits?
Boundaries should be appropriate to the age of the child.
&nbs p; Having lots of boundaries and rules doesn't help. Excessive frustration confuses the child and increases defiant behavior. Additionally, expecting too much from the child undermines self-confidence and causes stress in the child. For this reason, few but purposeful rules should be set.
Make sure the limits are reasonable. The concept of "reasonable" varies depending on the child's age and personality characteristics. Set limits on issues and undesirable behaviors that threaten health and safety.
Be open and positive. Children only understand what is expected of them when we make it clear to them.
Be consistent and determined. The rules and limits established should not change from day to day or situation to situation, and should be valid under all circumstances. Only in this way can children understand and implement exactly what is expected of them. An inconsistent approach confuses the child. After parents decide among themselves which situations and topics they will limit, they should inform the child. In situations where parents contradict each other, the child experiences feelings of confusion and insecurity. They often push the limits to test their parents' determination and how long they can keep their promises. Pushing the limits occurs more frequently when there is inconsistency between parents. Only when they act the same way every time can they realize that this is an unchangeable situation.
Explain the reason for the limit you set. Children adapt more easily when they understand why they can't or need to do it. Sometimes explaining too much will cause you to encounter more questions, especially from younger children. Make sure that the explanation you make is age appropriate. Especially to preschoolers, explanations such as "I don't like this, I don't want you to do this, it will harm you, this is necessary for you" or sometimes just a firm "no" answer are sufficient.
- < p Is it very difficult to say "no"?
It is very difficult for many parents to say "no" to their children's endless demands. While some parents try to fulfill every request without any resistance, others try to resist, but they give up because they cannot stand their children's crying and shouting, especially if such a situation occurs in a social environment. Ultimately, children get what they want, one way or another.
Why can't we say "no"? (Why can't we set limits?)
The most important reason that makes it difficult to say "No" is the feeling of guilt experienced by the parents. This feeling, especially experienced by working parents, makes it difficult for them to set limits for their children. It is difficult for parents to say "no" as a result of the limited time they spend with their children and the idea of spending this time as "happily", "problem-free" and "without upsetting or harassing the child" as possible. The feeling of exasperation caused by yelling also makes it difficult to say "no". It is necessary to struggle to act decisively after saying "No". However, due to the tiredness of the day, the child's demands are either fulfilled or the child is scolded.
One of the factors that makes it difficult to set limits is the parents' thoughts of acting differently from their own parents, of being different parents. Parents, who grew up under a lot of pressure and with constant "don'ts, don'ts" in their childhood, prefer not to set limits and let the child go completely, with the desire that their children do not experience this trouble.
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Why is it necessary to set limits?
The child who sees that he can get whatever he wants says "whatever I want" "I can get it done, I don't have to listen to anyone, I can ask for anything and if necessary, I can cry, shout and scream."
&n bsp; Boundaries enable the child to develop his personality and become responsible. A child who gets everything he wants and never hears a "no" answer will experience a feeling of defeat and rejection in the face of a determined "no" answer he will receive from someone else in the future.
The boundaries set by the parents make the child feel a sense of security rather than beating or upsetting him. Setting boundaries means security and guiding the child.
The boundary shows the child what can and cannot be done in certain situations.
Not setting boundaries makes the child feel that he is not receiving attention. When restrictions are imposed, children experience a feeling of belonging.
The absence of restrictions makes it difficult for the child to understand and adapt to the limits and prohibitions he will encounter in the future.
Meeting all the child's demands can cause parents to become bored, tired, tired over time. It causes them to feel helpless.
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You can learn to set limits.
Determine what you expect.
Explain clearly to your child what the behaviors you expect from him/her. For example, if he asks you to buy something every time you go to the market and makes you insist on it, say, “We are going to the market. While I'm shopping, you can buy anything you want or think you need. But just one thing, not more than one. When he wants to buy more things and cries about it, we will stop shopping and go back home.”
Make eye contact with him when he pushes the limits. Your looks will be more useful than shouting.
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From what age should the limit be set?
& nbsp; It is important to set boundaries from an early age. Three years of age, when the child begins to become an independent individual, is a suitable age to start setting limits. You can set limits by taking into account your developmental period, personality characteristics, and family structure.
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When you object to the limits...
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Finally...
When he starts screaming or crying because his wishes were not fulfilled, leave him alone for a while to calm down. When he can calm down on his own, talk about his behavior and what behavior you expect from him.
When he tends to harm himself or the environment, hold him tightly and prevent him from harming himself. Trying to calm down, begging, or begging are not useful methods. At that moment, he won't even hear what you say.
Be the same way every time and make him feel that you are determined.
Knowing the characteristics of the child's age, regardless of age, expecting age-appropriate behaviors, sharing these clearly and clearly with the child, explaining the reasons for the boundaries, showing that you are determined, in times of crisis Being more sensitive about limitations (such as illness, death), and re-establishing boundaries as expected behaviors change with age are important issues to consider when setting boundaries.
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