Perhaps one of the most important parts of partnerships today is the effort to preserve the freshness of love. When most couples sense coldness in their relationship, they worry, "Oh no, is our relationship ending?" As traditional efforts to save a relationship, we encounter behaviors such as deciding to get married if they are not married, having a child with the idea that it can bring excitement to the relationship, and starting to have a pet at home. Contrary to popular belief, such measures cannot be a solution for a healthy relationship. Here are 7 vital examples of behavior to keep your love alive;
Exhibiting impartial and fair behavior
Some couples may feel as if they are being judged by their spouses. Such a feeling will automatically cause defensive behavior. Along with this, problems such as hypersensitivity, resentment, introversion, and thinking that one cannot talk about everything due to fear of being judged will arise. If you want to keep your communication alive, you should avoid judgmental speech, facial expressions and behaviors.
Concretizing desires
Couples often complain that they do not receive attention from each other. In order to solve this problem, it may first be necessary to concretize the abstract and quite broad concept of 'interest'. For example; One of the spouses may define interest as their spouse's regular curiosity and search for them when they are not together. The other spouse, who does not know this, buys flowers thinking that interest means buying flowers for her, but if this is not included in the person's concept of interest, he will say that his spouse is not interested in him, and the other spouse will reply 'no, I am interested' because he bought flowers. For this reason, when spouses talk about abstract concepts such as 'interest', 'love', 'passion' to each other, it may be a relationship-saving situation if they concretely define what these mean to themselves.
Being able to respect sensitive points
We are all human and of course we may have points that are sensitive and that we do not want to be touched or criticized. When issues that we are not yet ready to share, confront, or resolve are raised or addressed by other people We feel quite uncomfortable when it is cultivated. When spouses are respectful to each other about their sensitive points and do not use this as a weapon, they can avoid wearing out their love quickly.
Sacrifice
Although Although the concept of unrequited love is mentioned, this is not entirely true for relationships. One of the things that keeps love alive is that people can show mutual love and sacrifice to each other. The sacrifice doesn't need to happen for a big occasion. Small selfless acts will keep the other party's excitement warm. Do not sacrifice yourself for your relationship, be self-sacrificing for the small needs of the person you love.
Being respectful of thoughts and giving up the effort to change
One of the most common problems that couples experience is trying to change the other party without respecting each other's opinions. Imagine you have a shopping list. In order to buy the items on the list, you either go to a market that has all the products on the list, or you wait for the products that are not available in a market you go to, of course, if they bring the products you expect! This is similar in relationships. You either find a relationship that suits your wishes and expectations, or you wait for the other person to change to meet your expectations, or you try to change them. The most dangerous of these is the attempt to change the person you are in a relationship with. This effort may show that you do not respect his/her personality and thoughts, and your partner may decide not to share his/her thoughts with you anymore. For a healthy communication and lively love, you may consider giving up the effort to change and try to understand your partner.
Being flexible
No matter what you experience in your relationship. Experience it and develop your ability to look at situations from different perspectives before making a definitive judgment. For example; Your spouse may have met a friend you don't like and you may be having problems because he or she doesn't tell you about it. Why don't I tell you about this situation before asking "How can you meet him when you know I don't want you to meet him?" You should think about what he is afraid of. Is he afraid of you? Is he shy? Does he think you can't understand? Does he feel misunderstood? Are you aware that you are not flexible? Remember, you are not the judge in your relationships, you are as much in the defendant's seat as your partner in the problems that occur.
To stop thinking that you give everything to the relationship
You know the expression 'to sweep your hair', you should give up on that for a healthy relationship. If you see yourself as a broom, you must also see your spouse as dirt, so you try to clean it by playing the broom role. If we are talking about two people in a relationship, the effort of each individual in this relationship to keep the relationship good can be 50 percent at most. One person can only give one hundred percent for himself, but in a joint life of two people, he can give at most half. Whatever you do, don't act like you're giving 100 percent to a relationship when you could be giving 50 percent. Otherwise, this is not a relationship but a purely personal endeavor. You work 100% for an exam you are going to take, not for your relationship. Otherwise, you cannot stop yourself from feeling like a broom.
Being able to train anger, empathize and develop these skills
I mentioned 7 important behaviors. But this last one is perhaps the most important as it can cover all other behaviors. Contrary to what you might think, the concept of empathy is not about being able to put oneself in the other person's shoes, but trying to understand the mood of the other person from their facial expressions and behaviors. Instead of getting angry at your spouse's behavior, first try to interpret his/her facial expressions and behaviors. Notice how these comments make you feel and share what you find with your partner. Remember, contrary to popular belief, the uncontrolled anger and rage that the other person brings out in us is not about him/her, but because it touches on problems that we cannot face ourselves. If your relationship is damaged due to these situations, you can get professional help on this issue. One of the things that keeps love alive is that couples strive to help themselves together or separately.
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