I received a 3-day intense and tiring parenting skills training this weekend. After the training, a little "Why is parent training necessary?", "How can parents realize that they have this need?" I thought about it. First of all, this weekend reminded me of a few things I noticed/knew before.
A parent can actually feel very lonely. This loneliness can snowball from parent to child and from child to society. If early interventions are not made, the snowball may snowball and become a threat to social mental health.
Parents (in our society, mothers are generally the caregivers - this does not have to be like this, but this will be the subject of another article.) may get into a dead end. They may be confused about what to do. And they may perceive this situation as if they are the only ones experiencing this situation and it is their inadequacy.
On the one hand, they may be trying to approach their child with positive emotions while fighting the thought of "I am an inadequate parent." On the other hand, the more she thinks she can't kill herself, the more she may raise her expectations for herself and her child, leaving her with more thoughts of inadequacy and negative emotions. His life may suddenly turn into a tangle of relationships that feel inextricable.
In fact, he may seek support at this point, but the worry that he will be judged by society may stop the parent.
This insufficiency begins to be pumped up by society as soon as the baby is born. "The way of birth, breastfeeding, baby care skills, etc..." are perceived as situations open to question by everyone. However, if we could transform situations into situations that are supported by everyone, instead of questioning, and if we could reassure the mother and father from the beginning, maybe everything would go better, or the parents would be more ready to find ways out of this situation when they get stuck and would experience less feelings of inadequacy.
When the child grows up and exhibits behavior that "does not comply with social norms";
"His parents are divorced",
"His mother did not teach him anything",
“Oh, what a shame!”
Instead of saying “It's a good thing ours is not like this,” let's try to understand the parents and not judge them!
B Maybe when we act like this, parents may find a little more courage to reveal the compassionate parent within themselves, or they may accept that parenting has aspects that can be learned and choose to get help.
Parenting is a journey, both you and your child have the right to receive support, receive education, and come together professionally with people who are going through what you are going through! When you feel stuck, remember that the power to try all the ways before telling yourself "I am inadequate" lies in the love you have for your child. As he says in the book The Little Prince, look into your heart…
“A person can only see the truth when he looks with his heart.” The Little Prince - Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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