There is a popular story:
To raise the elephants, they tie them to a stake with a thick chain when they are young. Of course, it is impossible for the baby elephant to break these chains or remove the stake. The little elephant tries with all his might to be freed from this captivity for a while, but the result does not change, he cannot regain his freedom and accepts this situation. Years pass and the elephant becomes bigger and stronger. It now has dozens of times the power of the sweater and chains it is attached to. But the elephant never tries. Because he once believed that he could not be free. What cannot be broken anymore is not the chain, but the elephant's faith.
This situation is called 'Learned Helplessness'. So, what is this learned helplessness?
Learned Helplessness is the state of radically accepting failure by constantly reacting negatively to certain situations. The person learns this helplessness as he loses his desire to succeed in the situation day by day, and he resists by becoming sure that there is nothing he can do to change this negative situation. In such situations, the person can often get into a depressive mood. 'No matter how much I talk, he won't understand me.', 'No matter how hard I work, I won't be able to win.', 'This won't work, it will never be solved, let me tell you.' These types of discourses include the person's passive attitude towards the stress he experiences, reluctance, feeling helpless, and the idea that no matter what he does, it will be in vain.
This situation occurs especially in children when no one comes to help when they need help or when they encounter situations such as disapproval or reaction as a result of their behavior, behaviors such as lack of effort, low self-confidence, giving up quickly, low motivation, and not asking for help occur. So, what should parents do in this situation? &n bsp; Here, parents' responsibility is to support their child's self-confidence, not to use self-confidence-damaging words such as 'you can't, you can't, it won't happen...' Instead, they can support the child by encouraging the child by showing the positive aspects of their child's behavior and similar things.
In short, we must learn strength just as we learn helplessness. As Bernand Shaw said, 'The problem is not desperation but reluctance... We are unwilling; Because the first thing that is done to us in childhood is to kill the desire within us.'. Every thought is a means to an end. In other words, if we feed our minds with anxiety, worry and fear and think in this way, the results will be like this. What we need to do is to get rid of this mood as soon as possible, determine our focus and get on the road as soon as possible. Because beliefs affect outcomes one way or another. If you believe you can succeed, you will, and if you believe you can't, you won't. At this point, in order to realize and break our chains, we must address every thought that contains despair and free our brains and then our souls. Thus, let's accept it and change our language. By starting to say 'Why shouldn't it change?' instead of 'It won't change anyway', we take the first step towards getting rid of the situation of helplessness. The subconscious believes in what is said, you become "whatever" you tell yourself. If there is life, there is hope. And as the famous poet Edip Cansever said: nbsp;
“…Nudge the hope/ Soothe the despair… Remember, you are much more than the limits set for you.
[If, despite everything, we are having difficulty in breaking the chains, it is useful to get help from an expert.]
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