One of the main problems that parents face today is facing the difficulty of being a parent as they dream. Many things that are read, watched, thought about, discussed, in short, within the scope of theory, before having a child, can put parents in a dead end and spark feelings of inadequacy during the implementation phase. Parenting is not only a problem-solving skill that emerges in times of crisis, but a multifaceted process that continues 24/7.
Conscious parenting requires us to first go through personal transformation. Every person comes out of their childhood with scars. The unintegrated aspects of our childhood do not leave our brain but are constantly revived unless we consciously integrate them. In fact, when we raise our own children, we unconsciously put them on autopilot, that is, we start from the patterns and boundaries we acquired in our childhood.
We cannot ask a young child to correct his behavior or control himself because he is inherently incapable of doing so. Children live in a world that includes "what is", not "what is not". None of the problems that preoccupy adults' minds, such as how things appear to other people, success, or getting ahead, are on the child's agenda. Parenting is not about trying to create a "little mother" or a "little father", but about raising a soul with its own signature. Without the space to make their own mistakes, children live borrowed lives. How to parent cannot be molded into a set of instructions. It takes its own unique shape in each new situation that arises.
Every child wants a mother and father who can stay calm when the situation gets tense. What they need is not parents who share the same opinion on everything. The important thing is that parents can accept their mistakes, apologize, and make efforts to correct them, even if disagreements arise from time to time, in an atmosphere of love and respect. Acceptance of differences forms the basis of healthy relationships. Mother, father and child are part of the family system. The family system, like all other systems, constantly tries to remain in balance within itself. This balance is disrupted by the usual challenges encountered during different developmental periods and life events. . In healthy family systems, the disturbed balance is reestablished through various arrangements. In this respect, the limits set should be flexible enough to be reviewed when things go wrong. Problems arise when this balance cannot be re-established.
Our children are a great opportunity gifted to us to be aware of our own wounds and to overcome the limitations brought by these wounds. Conscious parenting involves a process that has the power to fundamentally transform both parent and child. First, we must be aware of our own internal processes, be able to look at our wounds from other perspectives with today's consciousness, and put the principle of unconditional acceptance into action for our own past first.
In summary, in order to be "the parent of our dreams", we must first understand our own behavioral patterns. Getting expert support when necessary in this regard is of great importance in raising children with high emotional resilience. Self-acceptance and reorganization of behavioral patterns when necessary will also make it easier to deactivate the autopilot and connect to life. This process is very important for a happy mother, happy father and happy child.
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