Allow Pain to Walk Through the Grieving Process

Of course, pain is not beautiful. It hurts, your heart aches, sometimes you get confused and devastated... But what then? After a while, its intensity decreases. Actually, pain always exists, but it changes form over time. Because there cannot be a life without pain. Besides, pain has to be experienced... Our body is programmed to perceive pain. He says be prepared, stop. You got hurt, wait a minute, what's going on...

Mourning is perhaps the strongest of all pains. Don't mourn; It is a natural process experienced as a result of the loss of a loved one, the end of a close relationship, organ loss, job loss, and the loss of some abstract values ​​such as homeland, independence, or an ideal. The grief process is challenging and stressful, but it is also an individual and unique process, but it is not a disease. The reactions shown in this process are individual and vary from person to person. However, there are also some common physical, cognitive, emotional and behavioral symptoms that appear among individuals. Physical reactions such as shortness of breath, hypersensitivity to sounds, low energy and fatigue, increased or decreased appetite; emotional reactions such as surprise, shock, sadness, anger, despair, self- or other-blaming; cognitive reactions such as denial, feeling that the deceased is alive, auditory and visual hallucinations; Behavioral reactions such as crying, absent-mindedness, decreased sociability, and avoidance of associations that remind of the lost person or thing seem to be common to most people who experience the mourning process.

 

Stages of the Grief Process

 The grieving process is a very challenging and stressful process. The person who suffered a loss goes through some stages during the mourning process until he accepts the loss and rearranges his life. These stages occur as follows.

Denial: In this first stage, the event or situation is often ignored as if it never happened. It is thought that there is a mistake.

Anger/Resentment: After the denial stage, it comes into play with questions. The most common question is “Why me?” is the question. To the person who died because he left you; For something that was taken from you, to the creator for taking it from you; You may become angry at the people around you because they do not share your pain or do not show you the support you expect.

Bargaining: It is the stage where questions such as "If I had tried this too, if I had not allowed it, if I had been careful, if I had acted early" are faced and the inevitable pain is postponed a little longer.

Depression: It is the stage where feelings of sadness, longing, hopelessness and helplessness are felt most intensely.

Acceptance: The reality of loss is accepted at this stage. There is a decrease in the intensity of grief reactions. The person begins to adapt again to his life before the loss.

 

Suggestions for a Healthy Grief Process:

• Do not try to get through this process alone. Try to talk as much as possible with someone you trust who can listen and understand you well.

• Social support and family support are very important in this process. At the same time, remember that pain must be experienced. If you are experiencing the loss of a family member, share your feelings with other family members. Don't be afraid of upsetting them more or appearing weak. Do not walk away from your friends thinking that they will not understand you.

• Talking to someone who has experienced loss before will also be good for both you and that person.

• Acknowledge and express the reactions and emotions you are experiencing. Allow yourself to grieve. Never try to block your emotions during this process.

• Be patient, mourning is a long process. Allow yourself to experience grief, don't expect everything to get better at once.

• Do not stop yourself from crying with thoughts such as "I must be strong" or "Crying is weakness". Crying is a natural and comforting behavior.

• If you have difficulty expressing your feelings by speaking, you can try writing or drawing.

• Anniversaries, birthdays. Special days such as holidays may be difficult for you. Be prepared for this.

• Forgive yourself for the things you did and didn't do.

• Do not break away from your activities such as work and school. Even though it may be difficult to participate, prepare a step-by-step program for yourself and try to follow it. Do not get away from your social activities.

• Physical Remember that your needs (food, sleep, etc.) are important and do not neglect these needs.

• Do not turn to alcohol or drugs to cope with the pain. Otherwise, these will only provide you with momentary relief.

• Do not force yourself to concentrate on certain tasks in order to forget or not remember. Experience everything you feel by leaving this process completely to time.

• Do not alienate people who are trying to help you.

 Let the emotions that drag you down after a loss, such as sadness, disappointment, heartache, anger or despair, pass your way this time. See where they will take you. Let them be your companion this time. Say; "Where will you take me, what will you teach me?" Maybe they will take you to a much more beautiful destination than you ever imagined, who knows...

 

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