The starting age of sexual education should be when the child first starts asking questions, that is, at the age of 2 and above.
The child between the ages of 2-5 begins to discover his/her own body. For this reason, it is an ideal time period for sexual education.
Let's examine in detail the Psychosexual stages of Sigmund Freud, also known as the founder of psychoanalysis;
ORAL PERIOD
The first period The oral period;
It starts around the age of 1 and begins to end slowly after the age of 1.5 and ends around the age of 2 on average. In the oral stage, the baby tries to perceive and recognize the world with his mouth. During this period, the baby sucks milk from its mother, sucks a pacifier, sucks milk from a bottle and gets full, and also tries to recognize everything it can find by putting it in its mouth. So, when the baby does all these things, he becomes satisfied and enjoys it. During this period, excessive behaviors, such as sucking too much or sucking less than normal, are fixed in the oral phase (oral fixation). This situation may lead to consequences such as constant gum chewing, pencil biting, gluttony, smoking, and dependent personality structure in the future life. If the patient survives this stage in a healthy way, the next stage, the anal period, begins.
ANAL PERIOD
This stage generally starts around 18 months and may end around the 36th month or last until the 48th month. During the anal period, the child begins to receive toilet training and the pleasure point in this period is the anal region. The anal stage child enjoys the act of holding and releasing the poop and feels that he/she has started to take control of his/her body. The child, who does not biologically know the difference between boy/girl until the age of 2, now begins to explore his/her own body and touches himself/herself during toilet and bath times. During this period, the object of love is the child himself, his own body, and he directs his love towards himself.
This period is one of the most important periods in personality formation and he should go through this phase as well as possible. For this, parents should not be strict and oppressive in toilet training, and it is also important that parents should not be oppressive in daily life, otherwise anal fixation (fixation in the anal period) may occur. This may lead to consequences such as obsessive-compulsive disorder, stinginess, difficulty in making decisions, excessive meticulousness or stubbornness in the future.
PHALLIC PERIOD
The phallic period begins after the 45th month and ends towards the end of the 5th year. Curiosity about sexuality revives during this period, and the area of pleasure becomes the genitals. The child wants to know his own body thoroughly and may begin to touch himself sexually. Children's perception of sexuality is not like that of adults and is not at all similar to that of adults, so if you see your child touching his/her genitals, do not shame, get angry or react negatively!
So what happens if we react negatively? When we react, the child may be ashamed of his body in his future life, or may be ashamed of his sexuality and have problems in his sexual life.
During this age, children may play games such as being a doctor, parenting or housekeeping because they are curious about the other gender. Don't forget! Children's perception of sexuality is not complex like us adults, it is just an innocent curiosity and effort to learn.
Children in the phallic stage ask their parents how a baby is? Etc. may ask questions, please answer these questions correctly and in an age-appropriate manner without shame; otherwise, if they are not answered or answered incorrectly, the child will start to do his own research and this may lead to incorrect/unreal information or cause problems in his future life. How natural and comfortable do you think about this subject? The closer you get to it, the more naturally your child will perceive sexuality and move on to the next stage easily. Another important point is that the person to whom the question is directed should answer.
If the question is directed to the mother, the mother must answer, even if the child is a boy or a girl. If the question is directed to the father, the father must answer. My son/daughter, ask this to the mother/father. It should not be said. If you do not have an answer to the question he asks at that moment, you should give an answer that is calm and easy for the child to understand, such as "son/daughter, I cannot answer this question you asked right now, I do not want to give you wrong information, let me do some research, we will talk about it with you later", but do not say it to make it pass. Never leave the child unanswered.
Another feature of this period is that girls are fond of their fathers and boys are fond of their mothers. During this period, girls may unconsciously think that they have a penis, but that they were castrated later on, for this reason. They may unconsciously show more interest in the person who has this organ, that is, the father.
Boys also admire and are interested in the mother and may even say that they want to marry the mother in the future, but for this to happen, the father must be out of the way, for this reason, the feelings towards the father They may feel that they will be castrated as a result of these hostile feelings.
If circumcised during this period, it may remain as a trauma, and it is wrong to circumcise children between the ages of 3-6. Children under the age of 3 or after the age of 7 are suitable for circumcision. In order to go through this process well and healthily, the father must get along well with the boy and the mother with the girl. The child who resolves the confusion regarding himself and his same-sex parent moves on to the next phase comfortably and healthily. If the boy does not get along well with the father during this period or if the child cannot spend enough time with the father, the boy will have problems in terms of sexual identity, but if he spends a good time with his father and has a good relationship with his father, the fear experienced by the child in this period will decrease and he will want to be like his father. and sexual identity shows a healthy formation. Boys learn to be men from their father. Likewise, if girls establish a good relationship with their mothers, they want to be like their mothers and identify sexually, and learn to be a girl from their mothers.
But if the girl's mother or the boy's father cannot be at home during this period, the child's same-sex (good and An adult (who can provide positive modeling) must contribute to this process and be present at home. Because if a child cannot identify with the same gender, he or she may identify with the opposite gender. This negatively affects sexual identity development. Romantic words such as "my love" and "my darling" should never be said to children in the phallic stage, as this will cause the child to experience role confusion. For example, the mother says "my love" to her son, "my lover" etc. Saying words may cause the boy to ignore the father and continue his dream of being with the mother. Likewise, it is necessary to be careful about such words in the relationship between the father and his daughter. (In addition, kissing a child on the lips is wrong no matter what age he is because when you kiss him on the lips, the child perceives this as a normal situation and When a third person does the same thing, he does not find this situation strange. ) While explaining to your child that the places where he urinates and his chest are special to him, it should be noted that his lips are also special. Explain that no one (except parents) can touch her private parts without her permission, and that if someone touches her without permission, she should scream loudly and run and tell the nearest mother, father, police, teacher or adult, and that she should not be ashamed of this.
You can teach it during training or bathing.
(Do not oppose the toys chosen by children, you are a boy, do not play with the doll, or you are a girl, girls do not play with cars, or do boys cry? Or girls do not get so angry. Please stay away from sexist statements such as: You can tell children that every emotion is beautiful and that there is no harm in feeling them.)
LATENT PERIOD
The latent period is around the age of 6. It begins and continues until the beginning of puberty. During this period, sexual urges stagnate and they usually start playing games with their same sex. They understand the differences in sexual identity better. Therefore, children in the latent period begin to make close friends and pay more attention to school lessons, and their priorities in life become school and close friends.
GENITAL PERIOD
GENITAL PERIOD
p>The last stage, the genital period, begins at the beginning of puberty, that is, between the ages of 11-13, and continues until the end of puberty. During the genital period, sexual urges are revived due to physiological and hormonal changes. The adolescent may have a desire to prove his or her independence and may experience cognitive or psychological conflicts. He also begins to experience romantic relationships with the opposite sex during this period.
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