Someone with the addicted personality pattern was usually a "very nice person". It evokes compassion and pity when you see it. He is generally overly modest and bland and appears very embarrassed. It is overly polite. He doesn't want to argue with anyone, he can't. He doesn't want to be seen or noticed. That's why he doesn't have his own opinions, no upright stance, and no assertive clothing style. When talking, he is nervous and speaks in a low voice. It's like having a one-man relationship. He is very giving and altruistic. There is no balance of giving and receiving. It is always on the giving part of the pendulum. He is known in the community as thoughtful and helpful. However, he finds it difficult to ask for the help he needs; For example, he cannot ask for a loan. He runs to everyone's business, but cannot ask for help. "He does his own thing, he doesn't need anyone else".
He has no confidence and belief that he can survive on his own. He believes that if he is in relationship with the other he can survive, otherwise he will die. His perception of himself is that he is helpless and inadequate. For this reason, he does not particularly want to anger his partner or those in his social circle, he always behaves well and believes that he will be desired by people. He constantly asks the other, even on a very emotional and private matter, on subjects he knows the answer to. He doesn't always need genuine curiosity or advice, and sometimes he does it for attention. Problems occur here, usually, sometimes the attention shown can trigger the emotions of the occupying caregiver, such as suffocation, inadequacy, etc. This person embarks on businesses that will fail. Unconscious incompetence is like the repetition of the cycle of not being able to do it alone. Another unconscious motivation is to get attention. If all is well, no one needs to worry about him. He doesn't want that.
Another trait is that someone who is crap doesn't trust their own opinion: what if it gets bad? Does not trust his own perceptions, that others are better thinker. Having critical and intrusive caregivers in early childhood, the child always puts the opinion of the caregiver above his own, the caregiver is omniscient and he himself is always flawed and faulty. Therefore, it clings to its caregiver. The child thinks that he will die if he does not have a babysitter. This child finds a caregiver to stick around when he becomes an adult.
He has a negative self-perception. He thinks that others will not like him. Another feeling that the invasive and critical caregiver gives is that the child is not good enough at anything. The child learns the right thing by doing some things wrong or missing due to his childhood. In this case, the child develops a positive self-perception if the caregiver accompanies him with compassion and does not do the work instead. Someone with a dependent personality pattern unfortunately grew up without such a caregiver. His caregiver is often someone who hinders him when he tries to do something, and gives the message that he will do little or nothing at all.
Basic cycle...
One of the caregivers If one or both of them constantly guide the child, give advice, think and decide instead, the child cannot become individualized and cannot develop a healthy ego capacity and always needs a helping ego in the future. He can't even think of putting on a cardigan when he's cold, someone else has to say. When they become adults, they choose people to perform this function; They find someone who manages and directs. But from time to time, they get bored with this cycle and their relationships break down when they change roles and want to be mentors, or when their partners want to give up their mentor role.
Why do dependent characters not want?
They cannot accept rejection; He perceives it as proof that he is not wanted and makes generalizations. p>They continue giving at an early age for a very long time; As age progresses, the duration of giving decreases. They unconsciously want to receive it. The unconscious wants people to behave as they do, that is, to behave in a compassionate, inclusive, helpful, understanding, and giving way. Again, unconscious He keeps an account of all the help he has given.
Why does someone with an addicted personality pattern come to therapy?
The early relationship of someone with an addicted personality pattern often has the following binary: dependent someone who is incapable, incompetent (child), and someone who is omnipotent and manageable (caregiver, mother, etc.). He comes in to put the therapist in the caregiver position and seek advice and advice from him. Its main purpose is not to contact with his inner world, but to repeat the cycle of pathological relationships under the guise of consulting. As the person begins to become independent, they become anxious and cling to the therapist because they will not need to come to the therapist, and they may start to produce artificial problems. Because the hell he knows (dependence) is better than the heaven he doesn't know (individuation, freedom). As a result, it becomes more addictive. The fear of being alone and being excluded prevents him from being independent and he feels a secret anger.
The curative thing is to be aware of these connections and get professional support.
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