The title is a quote from a book I found in a bookstore in Eskişehir. When you think about it a little more, it seems like a saying that actually applies to many areas of our lives. It has been especially helpful in my meetings with families in my working life.
Because, as a society, we use fear a lot and we have tried to influence our parents, children, lovers or sometimes even our friends by scaring them. Or we may have seen the same things from the other side. We experience this situation without realizing it because fear is cultivated in our culture starting from infancy. We have surely heard things like "If you don't eat, the police will come and take you away", "If you don't do this, I will leave you" and many more. Things don't change when you grow up, even when choosing a profession, parents direct young people to the professions they want by scaring them by saying that you will starve in the future and you won't be able to find a job.
Of course, this is the case. Growing children tend to do the same to their children when they become parents. It would be better to break this chain at some point and try to direct our children's behavior with love instead of easy, temporary and dysfunctional fear. Fear It damages your children's decision-making capacity, self-confidence and respect for you. Love, on the other hand, creates the opposite structure of consciousness. It knows what it wants, can predict the consequences of the choices it makes and can take responsibility. /strong>, therefore, it will help raise children who know how to be more successful and happier in life.
So how can we achieve this? First of all, you must learn to listen. You must learn to listen to understand the other person's wishes or needs. without judgment, with advicegive, with minor, with disregard, and with empathy > you should tune in and listen. If he does not want to eat, respect his health and you can make him eat a little more with small games, but do not scare him with anyone or anything, but if he chooses not to eat, know that you will not allow him to eat untimely, bearing the consequences. You must comply with it no matter what. Have boundaries, rarely stretch them, but do not remove them. Explain the consequences of his behavior, leave the choices he can make, and let him learn to choose and take responsibility. If you scare him, he will continue the same behavior when the fear factor disappears.
Be sure that your child will do whatever he sees from you. Even though they are small, they are aware of many things. They are also masters of role imitation because they need it to learn.
That's why we should raise our children to be people who solve their problems with love and empathy, not by intimidating, criticizing, or mocking them.
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