If the child receives a reinforcer for a behavior and is rewarded by his/her parents; The probability that the child will repeat that behavior is 100 percent. I bet one hundred percent. You can try it at home if you want. Therefore, when the child performs a behavior you want, reward the child's behavior immediately. In this way, the child will repeat the behavior you want, that is, the behavior you want will increase in the child. The behavior you want might be to share toys with a sibling or an adult; It may be collecting and arranging the toys distributed; It may be sitting quietly or conversely talking too much; It may be painting, singing, doing homework, whatever it is, it doesn't matter, as long as the child receives a reinforcer and reward from his parents or another adult. Now you may be asking: “All right, but what are these rewards? What kind of rewards will we give to the child? Let me answer immediately.
1- You can buy a gift. But they are not such expensive gifts. For example, it could be a pencil, a sharpener, an eraser, a coloring box, a favorite chocolate... You can reward your child by buying these and similar gifts. The child will have this idea after receiving that gift. Hmmm, so if I repeat this behavior, he will give me a gift and say, "Oh, how nice that is."
2- I always say that "contact" is very, very important in our relationships. I think we should attach great importance to contact, both in our relationships between adults (husband and wife) and in our relationships with our children. Because love goes through contact, through touching, right? What I mean by contact is; such as hugging, kissing, caressing your hair, patting your back, holding your hand, touching your arm, taking your hands in yours. By doing these, you send some messages to the child. You are valuable to me, you are important, I value you, I love you. Apply this to your own spouse as well. I am sure you will benefit from it. There will be serious changes in your spouse.
3- Smiling, showing a smile. frown at the child I think it would be more positive and meaningful to smile rather than throw a smile. Because smiling will show the child this: “I love you” as your mother, father or elder. I like this behavior of yours. You made me happy with this behavior that I am smiling now. "I liked it so much that I'm smiling at you right now." Human beings are happy and enjoy making someone happy. This is also the case with children. Because he is human too. Therefore, he becomes happy, enjoys and enjoys because he makes you happy. And he will want to repeat that behavior. Because he is aware that both you and he will be happy with each repetition.
4- We can reinforce it with our language. How so, I can almost hear you asking. In other words, we can reward the child with our words and sentences. To say "well done", to say "you did a good job", to praise and appreciate by saying "that's my son/daughter". Sounds nice, doesn't it? Perhaps most parents have not used these words to their children. Or maybe many of us grew up and became parents without hearing such sentences from our parents. Maybe that's why we couldn't use it for our children. Positive behavior such as praising the child and appreciating the child will make the parents feel good, too. I think that constantly criticizing the child, talking about the child's negative aspects, and behaving in ways that we do not want, such as threatening the child, will also make parents feel bad. Therefore, words have a magical spell. When a man says "I love you" to a woman, it is impossible not to see the sparkle in the woman's eyes. You will see it in the child too. Look into your child's eyes and say I love you. Apply this to your spouse as well. Happy parents mean happy children.
5- We reinforce the child, that is, reward him, by allowing him to do a job he enjoys or an activity he enjoys doing. Let's say our child likes to have fairy tales or stories read to him, and if our child exhibits the behavior we want, we can immediately say to the child, "Well done, come on, you deserve a fairy tale." For example, you may enjoy walking in the park, If there is, it may be a favorite food or a favorite television program. Sometimes we can apply these to ourselves. Don't you think we should reward ourselves from time to time? I am calling out to you especially mothers, reward yourself so that your tolerance and patience do not decrease. What happens if you don't reward? You may experience outbursts of anger at the slightest incident. And everyone around you will think you're going crazy. After that, let the medicines come and the medicines go.
Let's keep this in mind, please. When a child is rewarded by his parents or another elder, the child's basic emotion will be channeled in the following direction: "I succeeded, I am a successful person, I usually do positive things, positive, useful things." This strengthens your child's self-confidence. Doesn't a parent want their child to have self-confidence? Therefore, the child will roll up his sleeves to repeat the behavior you rewarded. And again, I claim that the probability of the behavior repeating is 100 percent.
If there is a behavior you want, we will not hesitate to reward you immediately. You can apply one of the five items I listed above. Never delay rewarding. Please remember to reinforce every behavior you consider positive, clearly and at every turn. Never forget to reward. Don't say 'I won't reward you', don't say 'I have work to do, I'll do it later'. Because all your efforts may go in vain. Make sure to take time for yourself and your child and implement one of the five items I listed above.
People do not like uncertainty, what they want is clarity. This clarity makes people feel safe. Since the child is also a human being, he too likes and wants clarity. Therefore, we must ensure that the child clearly understands what behavior we want from the child. As a parent, you need to convey whatever behavior you want and like to your child. So how do we do this? First of all, I would like to express this: "Every time we interact with the child, we will bend down to his height, and if necessary, we will sit in front of him." This is the first rule of communication with the child. Secondly, we will talk to the child by looking into his eyes. These two lots When we do this, we largely convey to the child what the behavior we want is.
When we look at it, parents and other adults actually teach our child how to behave. Therefore, parents have a very big role in determining what kind of behavior the child will exhibit in the future. Parents will decide whether this is positive or negative. This decision is not a conscious decision. But it is possible to change this, as you have read. It just takes a little time and a little care.
The five items I listed above are of great importance in raising children. In order to implement these five items, be sure to observe and examine the child. What he likes and what he doesn't like. You need to have all the information about the child. You cannot give a reward to a child without knowledge.
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