The term helicopter family was used for the first time in 1990 in the book Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility, published by two doctors named Foster W. Cline and Jim Fay. Before that, Dr. In his book Between Parent and Teenager in 1969, Haim Ginott included a child who talked about his mother flying around like a helicopter. So, contrary to popular belief, this situation is not specific to our society. The reason why these families are given this name is that they fly over their children like a helicopter and are always with them, whether they want it or not, and follow them step by step.
Helicopter parents are people who show extreme interest and closeness to their children; They are parents who are more interested in their experiences, problems and often their educational status than they should be. They never leave their children's side and try to keep up with everything about the child in a well-intentioned manner. We can say that these parents are well educated and have very high academic expectations from their children.
Helicopter parents are always with their children, regardless of whether they need them or not. They are always there to prevent their children from making a mistake or harming them; it is rare for them to let children do their job on their own. The behavior of parents who do their homework on their children's behalf, follow their lessons and exams, plan the child's time, and decide who they will be friends with is not foreign to most of us.
Children born with innate curiosity and feelings of discovery are in a constant state of discovery throughout their development. . In the oral stage, behaviors such as children taking everything and putting it in their mouth and constantly asking questions after a certain age are directly related to this state of discovery. This combination of "I am independent and I can do it alone" initiatives and the sense of discovery nourishes the child's self-confidence and sense of self. If we take into account that the most useful learning in childhood is trial and error; These trial and error learning experiences are a unique opportunity for the child to discover his/her capabilities. However, the one who does everything the child puts in his hand for him, allows him to experiment. Helicopter parents who do not provide this will take away the child's sense of discovery and the sense of capability that he will eventually gain, and unfortunately will negatively affect his self-development.
At this point, I think we need to take a look at the concept of self. The self is a part of the personality that includes all the spiritual and physical characteristics of the person. Self is the subjective side and essence of personality. Ego; It consists of a person's personality traits, goals and expectations, abilities, value judgments and beliefs. In short, all information such as what a person wants to be and how he is perceived by his environment is included in the self-concept. “What am I?”, “What can I do?”, “What do I want?”, “What are my value judgments?” The answers to questions such as these lead us to the phenomenon of self. Self-concept significantly affects people's general attitudes and behaviors. Because people react as they perceive themselves and their environment. Parental attitudes have a great impact on the development of the self-concept.
We know that families consciously do not want their children to develop a negative self-concept. So why do they become helicopter parents? We see that parents who see their children as an extension of themselves rather than as a separate individual make this mistake. Parents who prevent their children from exhibiting behaviors that will help them develop as individuals separate from themselves "for their own good" or who do what they need to do instead of them, unintentionally cause the child to become someone who is not self-sufficient, has negative self-ideals, and lacks self-confidence. Due to the self-confidence problem caused by these and similar behaviors of their families, although these children are aggressive at home and get everything they want, they can become introverted in other social environments, unable to claim their rights and unable to resist authority. According to Western sources, the behavioral patterns that are likely to be seen in children raised with helicopter parents, that is, overprotective parental attitudes, are as follows:
*Low self-esteem and sense of competence
* Repressed personality
*Lacking common sense
*Having difficulty making decisions
*Problem-solving skills not developed
*Doing better and the desire to strive is low
*Dependent on the family
It is a known fact that every parent wants the best for their child; However, when doing this, it may sometimes not be seen that it harms the child's development. In America and Europe, this issue is given great importance and many studies are carried out on it. It is a fact that there are families in our country that fit these definitions. However, the difference between our society and other countries is that this is not considered strange; On the contrary, it is often seen as positive.
It is very important for the child's development that the parents are close enough to provide the child with a sense of security and provide love, attention and support. However, at the point where this is more than necessary and we limit the child's capabilities, it means it is time to park the helicopters.
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