Human beings exist through contact, that is, by being in social relations. Lack or lack of contact is psychologically dysfunctional. Contacting others increases the feeling of confidence and courage, and also plays a role in knowing oneself. Kemal Sayar said, "I do not exist without the other." According to this view, human beings are the mirror of humans. The one looking at the mirror sees himself in the mirror of the other. However, being in contact can sometimes cause problems. He cannot receive the love and attention he expects, nor can he receive the support he needs from the person he is in a relationship with. And he begins to see this deficiency as an obstacle to his goals.
When I meet clients with similar problems, I remember the cactus. When cactus is mentioned, unpleasant words such as desert, drought, and thorns come to mind. It is right in front of our eyes at most of our homes. But most of the time we have not paid attention to the existence of the cactus. When I look at the cactus, I remember the power. In my opinion, cactus is strong... It can survive without water for days. It does not need water or attention to maintain its vitality. In a way, he has solved his purpose of existence. He does not need to make everyone love him or to be liked by everyone. As a matter of fact, not everyone knows that cactus blooms. According to most, cactus is thorny and hard. But do you care about the cactus? He mind his business. He grasps tightly the life he has. It grows, develops and blooms for the purpose of existence.
Many of my clients, to whom I tell them about cactus, increase their admiration for cactus and their self-confidence. By this time, some of my clients realized that they had given up on pursuing their dreams because they had thorns, and that thorns were not actually an obstacle to blooming, as in the story of the cactus. Some of my clients have realized that they have always been complaining and dissatisfied because they have thorns, and that it is possible to live with their thorns.
In short, be like a cactus. Don't wait for others to love you, approve of you, support you, or be your lifeblood in order to reveal the essence within you. When you feel unlovable, inadequate, incompetent, remember the cactus and bloom flowers on its thorns.
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