Unfortunately, divorce, one of the most unpleasant processes of life, has been seen very frequently in our country lately. Many reasons such as violence within the family, economic negativities, health problems, severe discord, communication disorders within the family, and infidelity bring couples to the separation process. Such exhausting and exhausting experiences make the divorce process inevitable. The divorce process is a process that requires fulfilling official procedures, sharing property, making new life plans, and most importantly, explaining the situation to children.
In this article, we will write about the things that should be taken into consideration in order to minimize the negative situations that may occur on children during the divorce process. We will talk about the issues and how the situation should be explained to children.
For children, their parents are their source of existence, life support, problem solvers, sources of trust, peace and happiness. Even the worst parents have the same meaning for their children.
We always say, 'No matter what, that's my mother and father.'
The mother, who has such existential importance for the child - The knowledge that the father will divorce creates concerns in children about the continuity of their existence. And it causes children to experience many negative emotions and behaviors. For this reason, the divorce process and its aftermath must be clearly explained to the child, who may experience such deep anxiety. Otherwise, the child's anxiety may increase and cause more negative consequences.
So; How should divorce information be shared with the child?
First of all, the mother and father should be together while having the conversation. He/she should put all negative emotions aside and describe the situation as if it were as natural as possible. If you reflect your negative emotions, stress, and anger towards your spouse into this environment, the child's perception of the situation will be negatively affected accordingly.
Another important thing you should pay attention to while giving the speech is that the speech should be made in accordance with the child's character and age. . In a conversation with a child in preschool or primary school, more concrete examples can be given to clarify the situation in the child's mind.
For example, 'You know, sometimes you don't get along with Ali, you don't want to go to them because you can't play fun games with him, sometimes we don't agree with your father on some issues and we can't have a good time when we are together.' An explanation such as this can be made.
With children who are in adolescence or a little older, a conversation can be held by evaluating the situation more.
Sample speech
"Adults may sometimes start to love each other differently or disagree on some issues. For this reason, they may want to live separately. But children and their parents are always connected to each other with a special bond. Sometimes children and their parents may also disagree and this is a part of life. "Parents never stop loving their children. And parents do not divorce their children. This only happens between husbands and wives. We decided to live separately with your mother/father because we could not agree on some issues."
Another after the conversation was held. The important issue will be to give your child sufficient information about the changes that may occur in his or her new life. The following questions will probably seek answers in your child's mind:
Who will I live with?
Where will my mother/father live?
Which school will I go to?
Will we leave from here?
Will we be together again during the holidays?
Will I be able to see my friends?
Will you be offended?
These questions and Answering other questions that may arise clearly will reduce the stress and anxiety that may occur in your child's mind.
During all these processes, you may encounter emotional states such as shock, sadness, disappointment, anger or anxiety in your child. In order not to increase these feelings, do not argue, conflict, talk about legal processes, or allow another parent to be denigrated by other family members in front of your child. Whatever the situation and reality, remember that the people are the mother and father of the child.
If possible, do not disrupt your child's daily routines in this process. Let him continue his life as much as possible before this process. possible changes as much as possible. a Do it slowly and gradually. During this process, parents will of course experience many negative and complex emotions. However, whenever possible, try to manage the process by meeting with your friends outside or getting support from an expert.
You can inform your child about the following issues when necessary in order to comfort him emotionally.
This situation is not your fault. A situation that occurs between mother/father.
Even if your parents separate, you will always continue to be your mother/father.
We will continue to protect you and be with you no matter what.
Everything will continue to go well.
Your mother and father will always continue to love you.
Again, there may be periods during the process when your child cannot control his emotions. In such cases, you can say that you care about your child's feelings, that these feelings are normal and that this is a process.
Sample speech
"Daughter/son, I am aware of how sad this situation is for you. If you want, I can make you better." We can talk about the things that will make you feel. Both your mother and father love you very much and we are very sorry that we are going through this process too."
Children may need to hear that their feelings are important to their families in this process. Therefore, make your child feel this. When you experience emotional blockages, allow or help your child to put his feelings into words.
Most importantly, be his biggest supporter.
"What do we do now that will make you feel happy? Shall we do something fun?" You can reduce stress by diverting the subject and attention to different directions with questions such as.
As parents, it is very important to pay attention to your mental and physical health during the divorce process. The healthier you are and the more you manage your emotions correctly, the easier it will be for you to continue this process.
Read: 0