Abandonment schema is one of the earliest schemas to form. As children, we all need a safe and consistent environment. A safe environment requires an environment where our needs are met. The basic need for a newborn baby is to have someone to trust and bond with who will provide care. Thus, a basic sense of trust develops. The baby becomes attached to the person looking after him and feels love. This feeling is mutual, and the caregiver establishes a bond of love with her baby. In the following period, another need emerges; the baby wants to show that he/she can be self-sufficient and shows the need to be respected. The individual who meets this internal need properly will become an adult who can continue his life without any problems in the future.
What are the Causes of Abandonment Schema in Childhood?
The growth phase involves various challenges for both the caregiver and the care recipient. As a result, situations such as living conditions, events, and unpleasant experiences of the caregiver from the past sometimes cause the child to fail to meet these basic needs. When the basic needs of childhood are not met, the child develops some ways of coping in order to tolerate this need, and these ways he develops as a child continue when he grows up and begin to cause problems in the individual's life.
If you were a child, there was a lot of anger, and resentments remained for a long time after conflicts. If you grew up in a hostile environment, if you had to separate from your parents at an early age (a traumatic divorce, long-term separations) or if there was a loss (loss of a parent), the likelihood of this schema developing in you increases. The reason for this is that you need to take precautions regarding situations that you had difficulties with as a child. In fact, you need it more than an adult.
The main reason for the development of the abandonment schema is the loss of a parent at an early age. Since the early age period is the period when the child needs his/her parents the most, the child cannot feel safe in the absence of the parent. He may develop a sensitivity to the end of relationships and a belief that his relatives will leave him one day (as a result, he may develop defensive reactions in my previous article). will exhibit). Sometimes, parents are alive, but due to their busyness or inability to establish contact, they cannot spend enough time with the child and cannot notice the child's needs. In this case, the child cannot feel safe. A similar situation exists in cases where the person caring for the child is not fixed and caregivers are constantly changing. The child experiences that the person he has a bond with is constantly leaving and that every relationship ends, and he cannot feel safe. If a child grows up in an environment where he/she is not sufficiently protected and cared for, if he/she does not grow up in a sufficiently peaceful environment, if his/her parents do not treat the child consistently, it is very likely that he/she will develop the idea that the relationship will end one day.
Situations where parents act overprotectively are also effective in the development of the abandonment schema. Children from overprotective families begin to develop the idea that "I cannot cope with life on my own." In adulthood, these people may experience extreme abandonment anxiety because they think that they cannot live without their partners.
Another factor that causes the development of the abandonment schema is that the child grows up in an environment where there are constant discussions. For children, when their parents fight, it creates fear that they will lose their families and that their families will break up. The fear of losing their parents, which exists in every child, is carried into adulthood.
It would be wrong to explain the reason for developing an abandonment schema only with the attitudes of parents.
Genetic factors are also involved. It plays an important role in the formation of the schema. It is known that each baby reacts differently during birth and when leaving the mother's womb. After birth, some babies may react more sensitively to separations. However, despite having a genetic predisposition, a child growing up in a safe and consistent environment may not develop this schema. Similarly, a child who does not have a genetic predisposition to this schema may develop this schema if he/she grew up in an environment with inconsistent and abundant losses.
Then we can say that both the genetic structure and our childhood experiences are effective in the formation of this schema, but in both cases, there is separation. By studying the reactions given, a person can get rid of this emotional state and learn to cope with these emotions.
If your schema If your passion is very strong and you think that you cannot establish good relationships; By starting a psychotherapy process, you can get rid of the negative effects of this schema on your life.
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